I’ve noticed this strange paradox in common wisdom in society–or at least on the Y!A boards..lol,
People go for the throat when it comes to a mistress or a cheating spouse ,
but when someone says they as a couple have sex with any random multiple other partners for recreation, it is accepted.
Please explain this to me, Does that mean people hold “honesty” as a virtue higher than chastity?
What if everyone were swingers, how fast would society erode?
x: However, though people will judge someone who lied to their spouse, how much more dangerous to society is the swinging lifestyle than someone cheating, say, by mistake one time?
Like I said, what if everyone were swingers and open and “honest”?
How fast would viruses spread, children be put in way of great danger all the time and society in general erode,
Isn’t “swinging” more dangerous to society than “cheating”,
so why is it more accepted when judged by the modern everyday person?
With all due respect, I dislike both and condone neither.
I definitely hold honesty as a higher virtue than chastity! I was not a virgin when I got married, and neither was my wife. Sex is fun. Sex is like pizza – when it’s good, it’s really good, and when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Personally, I don’t understand why chastity is even considered a virtue. To me, the enjoyment of hot, wild, passionate sex is a way greater virtue!
While i have no experience in either situation, id say it goes like this:
Cheating breaks the trust between two people. It fulfills only one person, and hurts the other.
Swinging would be two people deciding to sleep with other people, together. The trust is maintained and (hopefully) fulfills both people.
i think theres a big difference although i am not for either.
with cheating, one spouse is devestated. someone broke their vowels, and it wasnt an agreement between both people.
as in with swinging well both dont mind the idea of having sex with other people and theyre doing it together i guess.
theres a big difference.
i dont teach my son abstinance nor do i believe in holding a relationship hostage with boring sex. I believe that is both peolple condone and are excited about bring some one else “in” then that is a up to the couple. marrage counceling is strongly suggested because many relationships can’t withstand hard feelings and possible resnetment after the fun is over then sometimes the insecurities are glarring. good luck.
Because Swinging is something you are doing as a couple. It’s not going on behind the other person’s back. Both know what’s going on and both has agreed on what is and isn’t acceptable.
Having a swingers lifestyle is really saying that both parties condone the practice of wife-swapping or having multiple sex situations, whereas just plain cheating does not. Bot are dangerous practices to happily married couples and neither should be practiced or condoned. Modern people who condone either or both should be scorned and reprimanded for these things to be thought of as normal or accepted.
I disagree with both; however, cheating usually infers that the spouse being cheated on doesn’t know. Swinging is a lifestyle of which BOTH partners are aware.
Cheating does not happen “by mistake”. That’s such a pathetic excuse. You can say you made a mistake by cheating, but you did not mistakenly cheat. “Baby, I don’t know her hands got there, baby I don’t know how he got my pants off.” BS-give me a break!
Most swingers are intelligent enough to inform people interested in sleeping with them of their lifestyle. Cheating is generally more harmful because if you’re the type of person who cheats, it’s unlikely you’re thinking about protection, whereas a swinger is probably considering that because of the different people they sleep with. Like I said, they are also aware that their partner knows what they’re doing which is cause for a lot of honesty as well as a lot of communication.
Once again, I disagree with both, but at least swinging is honest between the couple whereas cheating is the ultimate betrayal.
BOTH are wrong!
I believe your observation is a bit off. I think that most of the people who are strongly opposed to cheating are also strongly opposed to swinging. Of course, many swingers are also opposed to cheating, but there’s usually less of a cheating issue to be so concerned about because they have that level of trust with their partners. It’s not cheating if your partner knows about it and is okay with it. So why hide it from them if they do not oppose?
Its not cheating if everyone is ok with it!!
It’s common, but it isn’t wisdom.
Honesty is the highest virtue there is. Chastity isn’t any kind of virtue, it’s just a religious brainwashing.
Swingers have a far lower instance of STDs than those who practice your “common wisdom.”
There are far, far more cheaters bringing down the moral fabric of the country, than swingers.
They are 2 different people.
I really don’t believe that something born of honesty could be bad. It’s only bad if the person with whom one is being honest is not living a life in alignment with honesty. In other words, if you have something to hide, honesty is a bad thing. Swingers don’t exactly “hide”. We are persecuted. Coming out of the closet so to speak, for most swingers who live ordinary, normal, SUV-driving, soccer mom/dad lives, or the lives of high profile members of the community (politicians, lawyers, doctors, company execs, clergy, etc), would be devastating. They are harming NO one and they are being discrete, but ANYone’s personal sex life is ugly when it’s dragged out of the bedrooms into the harsh light of day.
Lack of chastity is not the problem. Lack of honesty most certainly is. If everyone was honest and had integrity, everyone would get tested for STDs if they’re playing the field (like swingers do), would tell their partners of any infections, would avoid playing the field if they found out they were infected and would not feel the need to hide anything…like hiding from your wife that worrisome burning sensation when urinating after that last-call-beer-goggle enabled bathroom stall tryst with the mystery woman in red…at least you think it was a woman.
A few facts:]
1. Swingers are generally very educated about STDs, know their risks and take precautions. Just like every other SINGLE person on the continent.
2. The accepted rule is, if there are kids in the house, playtime is NOT happening. Some people are definitely idiots and put their recreation ahead of their kids’ needs. But this is not an accepted practice in the swinger community.
3. Swingers do not usually overindulge in alcohol or drugs, especially during playtime. If you can’t do it sober, you shouldn’t do it at all.
4. Swinging is intended to be a positive other-centred activity meant to enhance the relationship and the individual. Cheating is a negative self-centred behaviour that thoroughly undermines the relationship, is something that can never be undone, and stays with the cheater and the cheated-on for the rest of their lives. The cheater defines him/herself by his/her actions and it’s very difficult to face up to the fact that you’re just a downright sh*tty person for it. Not just “did” a sh*tty thing, but that you actually ARE a sh*tty person. This is why the saying “once a cheater, alwyas a cheater” is so often true. It’s just easier to be an a$$hole than to raise the bar and expect more from yourself.
First, on Yahoo! Answers my experience has been that people react negatively as often to questions asked about swingers as they do about cheaters. I feel that this is 1) because the average Yahoo! Answers user values their opinion above education, and 2) the average Yahoo! Answers user is 17-years old and knows nothing of life.
Second, nearly 70% of America is in a non-monogamous relationship at some point or another, just about 1% of them are honest with their spouse about it and allow their spouse the same leeway they give themselves in the relationship (i.e. swingers).
So how fast would society erode if everyone was swingers? Well, non-monogamy has been the rule for the entire existence of Homo sapien on this blue ball we call Earth and society is still here also.
Viruses? Diseases? Swingers are very careful about such things. They don’t want to get a disease any more than the next person. Plus, they go out prepared knowing that they are going to have sex with someone else. However the cheater usually isn’t carrying condoms on them and many don’t use them because they can justify it by telling themselves “I’m only having sex with my spouse and my lover, it’s not like I’m sleeping around.” I’ve heard of more cases of STI’s in divorce cases revolving around a cheating spouse than with swingers, and the swinger community is pretty small, so if someone was spreading something everyone in the community would know.