Question by Chris: Is “once a cheater, always a cheater” true or not?
This question is for those in a long term relationship or marriage and have cheated. If you cheated once and got a second chance from your partner… did you ever do it again or would even consider doing it again?
I am in a situation where I need help understanding if my partner should get that second chance.
Thanks!
Best answer:
Answer by lwomar
In my opinion, and it’s only my opinion, yes I think it’s true. If nothing stopped them from cheating the first time, what will stop them the second time? Third time, etc? Getting caught? Please. Most people find a more sneaky way to do it, especially if all they had to do was buy some jewelry and roses and apologize a million times. There are no repercussions at all if someone takes someone back so quickly and easily after they cheated.
Add your own answer in the comments!
I think you need to ask yourself if this person is the one you see being your spouse or parent with you. If your gut says no, then, no.
If this is a spouse you both need to decide if you are going to draw a line in the sand and step over it into your future together with expectations and trust in one and other. If your gut says no, then, no.
It’s not always true. If it’s isolated, and he/she is sincere in guilt and apologies, and really wants to work this out, then second chances are possible. It takes a very strong person to give a second chance after an affair. But you also have to realize that once you give that second chance and decide to work on the relationship/marriage, you cannot use this as ammunition for the rest of your lives. Yes you are going to have to talk through this, maybe seek counseling, until you can move past it. But once it’s buried and forgiven, you need to leave it behind and not let it continue to anger or fester inside.
Dear Chris, I don’t think there is an easy answer to this question, because it depends on the people involved and the circumstances. I do believe that most people who cheat do it because they have insecurities inside themselves. They are constantly trying to prove to themselves they they are desired, wanted and loved. It is something that is missing inside them that they cannot fill. I think it has less to do with you, and more to do with them.
Only you can decide whether this relationship stands a second chance. You both need to communicate with each other, and if possible, see a counselor who can help you work through your issues and try to build your trust again. It will not be easy, but then, nothing in life that is worth it rarely is. Some people say that a situation such as this can make a relationship stronger, because the cheater realizes what he almost lost and won’t want it to happen again.
The best to you.
It was true in my case. My husband cheated on my during early years of our marriage. I forgave him, trusted him and kept loving him. But, lately I found out he cheated on me big times. After I got suspicious, I discovered lots of proofs. Now I believe, once a cheater is always a cheater.
999 of 100 times it is absolutely true. Anyone who says they will “never cheat again” simply hasn’t run into the temptation yet.
I would never give a second chance, because they will always take that to mean there will be a 3rd…and a 4th…and a 5th…
Your partner disrespected and betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible, now they need to face serious consequences for their stupidity- losing you!
I cheated, I got caught, I asked forgiveness and never cheated again even though I’ve been presented with opportunities to cheat. I ultimately think that if your spouse that has cheated doesn’t change their way, they can be tempted and can give in to those temptations. A genuined heart felt apology isn’t enough if the words can be back off with action. I simply refuse to put myself in a situation where i’ll be accused. If this isn’t his mind set, I can simply tell you to keep an eye on him. Good luck.
Its as true as “all women want is money” or any other trivial stereotyping/racist comments like that. You can’t rubber stamp any group of anything.
Getting a second chance isn’t what makes a difference, its fixing what was wrong that led to it the original time that will make a difference. If you give him a second chance, but there are no other changes then yes he probably will again.
What happened with other people is irrelevant to you and your situation…nothing is “always” true with regard to human behavior…some people cheat once, regret it terribly, and go forward to never cheat again…
Some people cheat repeatedly on one partner, but never any other partner….some people cheat on several partners, but not all, and some cheat on everyone they are ever with….of course some never cheat at all, but we’re not talking about them…
Only you can decide if your partner seems truly remorseful, if the issue that triggered the cheating can be fixed/changed so it no longer exists, and if you can ever learn to trust them again…otherwise, there’s no point in staying together whether they ever end up cheating again or not…
Eric put it correctly, there’s no point in giving them another chance if you are not going to examine your relationship to see what went wrong with it in the first place. Unless you fix that – and it may involve painful self-examination of your own part in the problems – your partner will most certainly cheat again.
Ignore generalisations, try to listen to your partner’s account of what happened, and then see if you both together can make a fresh start.
a person can feel remorse and regret, that’s why there are remorse and regret in the dictionary, they have definitions.