by erissiva

Question by De Vil: My Friend Is Filthy, and Another Wants An Intervention. Should I?
I have had a friend for about 8 years, and he’s a really good guy. He’s nice and cares and listens. I wouldn’t think of not being his friends. He’s always been a bit dirty (dirty hands, a few days without showers), but I said, “That’s how he wants to live, I guess”…

And then he got a girlfriend, and he got so clean! Well, kinda. I’m not sure how to word this, as I’ve always tried to avoid it to NOT hurt his feelings. He has a filthy car, with boxes and soda cans, green tea bottles and wrappers for cards and movie cases. He also has a few pieces of clothes and for some reason he doesn’t do laundry that much. He has had a sweater since 9th grade, and now it’s disgusting. I like a torn old sweater, but since he’s never washed it it’s tainted and soiled.

But he got good, as I said, until she broke up with him after a year after “not being in love with him” (I’ll admit, we all saw it coming and warned him, he always has bad luck)… and now he’s gotten even worse. He used to lie (I think he has a problem, but he does have a bad home life), and it’s gotten bad. I’ve dealt with it, and will, but his Hygiene has gotten just as bad.

Now it’s way disgusting. His hair looks oily, he has dirt under his unclipped finger nails (and other things with dirt), his clothes are even less washed … one night my friend and I went to eat with him and we sat across from him and could even smell him. Not to mention he had something in his hair until I mentioned it… I couldn’t eat until I forgot about it.

His feet smell horrible. And his car is even more packed, it’s like he lives in it…

I have urged him to get clean before, even offered my help (especially after stepping in dog poo IN his house)… I said I have time and would love to help him. It’s been a month since she left him, he’s doing fine. But I still think it’s no excuse! He always says he’ll get to it, but he doesn’t. He’d rather play cards (which I refuse to do with him anymore, because I want him to get motivated)…

That night though that my friend and I could smell him, she said as we left, “That was disgusting, I can’t take it anymore. We need to have an intervention.”

I’ve thought about it, and want to. But I don’t have the heart. He is a good guy and has a lot of friends, but no one can stand the filth. What should I do, I guess I’m asking: Do it and stop being a pansy (I mean with my friends, she’s doing it anyway) or let them handle it?

I’m curious because he’s my best friend and Vice-versa, and I’m not sure if me being there would matter. I do wanna because of concern for him as a friend, but I dunno if he’ll take it that way… Judas.

HELP!!!

Best answer:

Answer by Trébucher
There is a middle ground to all this. You’re saying he’s exemptliary as a person and friend but is more than lacking in hygiene, it sounds positively unhealthy. So maybe look at it from that angle. If he had to have an operation to save his life buy said “i don’t like doctors or hospitals or I’m afraid I’ll die on the table or anything else you would urge him, beg him to get it. I think that’s the situation here. It’s more than just you and Mr. pigpen. How can he make new friends if something happens to you. move away, injured or death? See it’s unhealthy in a myriad of ways. Do the intervention. I’ve been on the receiving end. It feels like standing in a room across from your friends and family, they are staring at you like you have two heads and you have an invisible force field separating you from them. He’s going to get alot of insults from the public, It sounds contradictory but it’s better to hear it from loved ones first, cause tell him you love him, that makes all the difference in the world.
So back to middle ground. I what may come next: less closness in the friendship department but more mutual respect.

Give your answer to this question below!