by Paul Jerry

Question by Adam Chris: My girlfriend’s kid simply hates me (long)?
I have no problem with her daughter. My girlfriends daughter (who is 6) is the loving kind like my girlfriend, who respects her mother including me, who helps me in the yard, helps me cook dinner, clean, and I’m very close to her, read her bedtime stories, she does crosswords with me ( et cetra ) and she’s only 6 . Then theres her son (who is 16) who I think of as the ******* son of satan. He talks back at me, he slams doors, he cusses at me, he “kicked” me, he broke my car window, and he locks me outside, and claims he “hates” me. My girlfriend told him to go give me a hug and wish me a good day at work. He walked over, and he kicked me while my girlfriend wasn’t looking, and I said to my girlfriend “He just kicked in my knee!” and He said “Mom, I didn’t he’s lying!” and my girlfriend just told me that I’m overreacting, and that it’s all in my head. I then said “There’s a big difference between reality and fantasy, that was not fantasy, that was reality” and my girlfriend turned to him and said “Did you give adam a hug yet sweetie?” and he lied on the spot and said “YES I DID!” I got so frustrated, I felt like punching him right in the jaw damn it. Whenever my girlfriend’s not home, he would scream “God, I hate you! you think you’re the boss of me because dad left” and I just replied with a simple “thank you.” and he then just said “Ughhh, I bet you just want to **** my mom and leave her” and I was about to yell a him but figured that it wasn’t worth using my voice over. He then just slammed his door, and that was when I marched up the stairs, and pryed his door open, and while he kept trying to close it, I told him that I would not move my foot until he properly closes the door” I was staring at him right in the eyes, and I just thought to myself, damn he has the eyes of Satan. He then said “all right fine adam!” I then removed my foot, and he closes the door quietly. I then went back down stairs, and I didn’t know he was even behind me! he then said “The king of faggots coming down the sairs ” and I was about to smack him, but I just kept walking like nobody was there. The next day I was cleaning the car, and he and his friends were playing baseball on my front lawn. He smacks the baseball into my car window, and I just got so mad that I yelled at him, and told his friends to go home before I call their parents. He then walks over and grabs his baseball, and I tell him “No, the baseball stays, Now go wait in the living room until I clean this up then I’ll deal with your attitude” and he just kept nagging me. I then lost my temper, and yelled so loud “NOW!” and he finally shuts up and goes in the living room. By the time I was done cleaning up the glass, He looks out the window and starts smiling, while he’s holding a sign that says “Sorry, Front door is locked HAHAH!”. I tried opening the front door with my spare set of keys, and hes holding the locks inside, so I couldn’t get in. Sofie (girlfriend’s 6 yr old daughter) then opens the basement door for me, and said to me “Matt pushed me”! I then went in the living room and I saw him sitting there with this evil look, and he then said to me “What the **** do you want? and I asked him Why he broke my window car, and I told him if he thinks hes so tough, then he’s going to pay for the damages to the window. I also told him that it’s disrespectful to shove sofie, and talk to me that way. He then runs upstairs to his bedroom and slams his door. I then yelled “COME BACK DOWN HERE MATT, I”M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!” He just turned up his music.

I explained everything that happened to my girlfriend when she got home and she still claimed that I was overreacting, and to have a migrane pill and rest. She doesn’t believe a single word that’s coming out of my mouth! Her son acts like he’s the perfect angel when he’s around her, and acts like the ******* son of satan around me!! My girlfriend is perfect and her daughter Sofie is so adorable and helpful, and then comes her son matt who practically wants to murder me. What should I do? My girlfriend only believes him, and not me.. Should I just bail on our relationship because of her son?
sorry it couldn’t be any shorter =l
I’ve dated my girlfriend for 3 years. He has “always” been this disrespectful.
Artimis, It’s my job to be taking care of matt and sofie when my girlfriends at work. It’s my job to make sure they eat. My girlfriend depends on ME to take care of the BOTH of them, whether I’m his dad or not. It’s like babysitting for someone, ONLY you’re not getting paid.
all right. I guess i’ll calm down and just have a heart to heart talk with him about it. I guess he probably didn’t mean anything he did or said ..

Best answer:

Answer by artimis
For one thing he’s 16 and you aren’t his father. Kids are tough enough on their own parents. Having to live with you was not his choice and it seems as though his mother should have considered this better. He is her son. You are only the boyfriend.

Nothing excuses his behaviour but perhaps you could understand it.

Have you been around long? Is this a newer relationship? Has she dated a lot before? So many things can be going on here.

And it seems as though at this point you hate him. Do you think he can’t feel that? Tempting as I’m sure it is to hate him, he really is just a kid.

You shouldn’t be telling him what to do or attempting to punish him or anything like that. You aren’t his parent, as you know. He needs his mother to step up and take control. For everyone’s good. If she won’t nothing will ever be solved.

If you are considering bailing than do so because kids are work and she comes with two.

That’s part of the big problem. it shouldn’t be your “job” to care for her kids. It isn’t fair to the kids or you. He could quite possibly resent you for that. three years isn’t long especially to be leaving your kids with someone. My point is that you were pushed into his life whether he liked it or not and it seems he doesn’t like it. Now it’s not your fault but you are the adult. He had no choice there and now he’s acting out.

I have kids of my own and guess what, it is like babysitting only not getting paid. Parenthood, step-parenthood. But there are numerous rewards too.

But at 16 it seems like he should be allowed to care for himself.

I don’t blame you for your feelings I am just pointing out that he is a kid who got stuck with his mother’s choices. You might be a great guy that’s beside the point. He is having a hard time and he needs his mom. At this point it sounds like you hate him. You need to decide if you are going to be a permanent fixture in their lives. IF so then you need to let her know for that to happen you have to learn to make things work and they aren’t right now. It’s unlikely to be all his fault. If you aren’t even sure if you want to bail than you should hardly be taking care of her kids and letting that daughter become quite attached.

6 is a much easier age than 16.

One other thing, he may really mean it, or at least think he means it. Try not to let it get to you to much. He may blame you for a lot of stuff that he shouldn’t and not even realize it.

What do you think? Answer below!