Question by Jason. The Irish dude.: What do I do to get over my ex?
My girlfriend and I broke up, just a month ago. We’ve been through a lot, together–I mean, literally everything! To hell and back, through thick and thin, come hell or high water! And now, this?! Suddenly! She’s breaking up with me BECAUSE SHE’S CHINESE, and her parents want her to break up with me! I reasoned she was Chinese-American, but she said that it’s all about tradition, and that I don’t understand! Now, she’s left, and her parents want her to go back to China with them! They want her to marry her second cousin, too! What do I do? How can I forget her?
I can’t go after her, because her flight was LAST THURSDAY! She ALREADY left (in case you didn’t see it there, where I said, “She’s left.”)
Best answer:
Answer by Cheyenne
Unfortunately it just was not meant to be. You sound like you were really close to her. She must be missing you also. If she is still under her parents control, there is not much you can do except keep in touch. Maybe at a later date, love will find a way.
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There’s no easy way to get over someone, except time. It’s definitely not easy to get over serious relationships, sometimes you never completely do. But she seems to mean a lot to you. Maybe if you mean just as much to her, she’ll come back despite her parents obvious ignorance and blindness to today’s society. What’s meant to be will find a way. Good luck!
Wow. That is quite harsh. It’s gotta be tough to cope. I would say that you should take some time to just think, and attempt to get over her, even if you can’t it will help. Make sure that you don’t get too caught up on what’s already happened. Whatever you do don’t go overseas to go after her. If it’s an arranged marriage it won’t be easy to break it off. Just try to move on. You also asked how do I forget her? The answer there is simple: don’t. It sounds like you guys were pretty serious, don’t forget her, but make sure you move on, even if it takes a while.
You will always carry this in your heart for the rest of your life, to a large extent. I am SO sorry for your loss. I know your heart is breaking.
Right now, you cannot reach out and touch her physically. So, you’ve got to give her to God. I know this is a hard thing to do, but if you don’t do it, you will suffer far more than if you do.
It might help to do this in the form of a letter written to God. Tell Him about how much you love her and how shocked you are by what has happened. Tell Him how angry you are with her parents, and how angry you are with her for letting them control her like this. Let Him know how you grieve for her and how you fear you will never heal from this wound.
Tell Him you REALLY want to pray that He will bring her back to you, but that you know He will not violate the free choice that she and her parents have made. Tell Him if it is possible, without violating her free will (as her parents have done) to give her courage to refuse the arranged marriage and come back to you. T
Then, relinquish her to God. Say something like, “God, I cannot give her up on my own. I do not have the strength to do this myself. I will spend the rest of my life loving her and worrying about her if I am left to my own devices. I know you will not violate my own free will, to force me to stop worrying. So I am giving You my permission to take her and help me trust her to You. So, even though everything in me fights against relinquishing her to you, I make a choice of the will to surrender that to you, and ask you to take her and let me trust her to you.
You may feel like a child who is about to have a splinter removed… you know that instinct to run, to cover the spot where the splinter is.. the fear of pain, etc. Well, you may feel like that, but remember, the splinter has to come out, so you have to make yourself open to God in this way, just as you had to make yourself vulnerable to your Mom, or the school nurse, or whoever has removed your splinters as a child.
SO, force yourself to give God this permission. Cry your way through this. Ask Him to take care of her and give her a happy life, and also pray that He will bring her to freedom, where she will know Him and no longer live in such bondage to tradition and misguided culture.
You might want to get you a composition book for this, because you may find it helps to journal each time you have another spasm of grief.
Over time, your journal will move on to other things… maybe even beginning to pray about your future, and your future wife, whoever she may be. But that will be LATER, and we are talking about NOW.
If you are TOTALLY NOT a writing kind of guy, then you can do this by just talking to God and spilling it all out to Him. Even if you don’t believe in God, you’ll be surprised what this process can do for you.
I pray for you, for healing, and for joy ahead.
God bless you.