Question by Mommy x 6: Anyone have good advice for this?
My older sister, Meghan (by 2 years) thinks her husband is having an affair and has been for a while. My sister and her 3 kids (6,4 and 5m) live in Maryland. My sister is a 2nd grade teacher. My family (husband & kids; parents; 4 brothers and sisters and their families) lives in New York City. A few nights ago my sister Meghan came knocking on my door with her kids. She “left” her husband.
I feel like I can’t turn her away but also dont really have room in my house for her and her kids with my 5 kids. I don’t know what to do!?!? My parents are in the middle of a move so she can’t stay with them. With no current income (maternity leave, off for 1 year) she could never afford to buy a new place in NYC.
My husband and I offered to help her with rent.
Right now I just need an objective opinion or two on
1) How to handle this
2) How to approach her about it
3) How to confront her about telling her kids what is going on
THANKS!
Best answer:
Answer by kmfdmfan
if its a situation were she has no where to go then i would let her stay for only a day or two,but if i were you i would first stay calm and look at your options,ask your family that’s moving if they would take her in right after the move (if necessary),ask your sister if she has anywhere to go before you say yes or no to her staying then decide,and tell her that you have no room and you wish to help but cant take her in right now because of multiple reasons and tell her you will with her rent.hope this helped.
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Wow, 8 kids in your house right now? Actually, the way I feel about it is that HE should be the one leaving, not her with the children. And he should also keep paying the bills. I always feel that the burden should always be on the one who screwed everything up, not the innocent party. But, that’s obviously just my opinion and not real life.
Has she been in touch with her husband since leaving? What is going on with the house, is he still living in it? Can she agree to let him come back but maybe sleep elsewhere? Just so she can get back in her house?
Sorry, I don’t think I’m giving very good advice here.
I would talk with my parents to see if they could maybe talk sense into her about staying in her marriage by talking and working it out. If you don’t have the room then you don’t have the room. From my experiences living too close to relatives spells disaster. She surely has friends that she can shack up with till she can resolve “her” problem.
2) I would just tell her nicely that it is so unexpected and with “parents” moving would maybe have her check with them about living with them. (Remember you would help if you could, but you just don’t have the means to help out. Don’t let that get you down.) Many times by telling them you can’t help is all it takes for them to realize that they have to do it on their own. Most likely the problem will fix itself in time. (personally know from experience: I was the lost one)
3)The best policy is to stay out of their “affairs”. Saying something might put your relationship in jeopardy
I rather agree with the PP that said she should go back home and kick out her husband. I could see her showing up in the middle of the night if there was violence or something similar, but honestly cheating isn’t something you need to uproot your kids that very second for. What is she doing about work since she is a teacher? The kids school? I think that I would let her stay for a day or two to “calm down” about the situation and then have a serious conversation with her. Maybe after all the kids are in bed you and your husband sit her down and explain that while you love her and do support her you have a situation where she can’t continue to stay. Maybe offer to babysit or something to help her out more then you usually would, but be firm that she can’t continue to stay. Hope it all works out for your family and your sisters family.
Has your sister consider applying for public assistance? Such as TANF (temporary assistance for needy families) and Section 8?