Question by boysaregrossindeedy: how do i uninvite her to dinner?
my friend and i live abroad and know hundreds of students.
for xmas neither of us are going home and want to have a dinner at her house and can have another 6 people join us.
since we go to school with so many other tourists, i was going to post on my fbook status ” T and I are making xmas dinner. we have 6 spare seats for who wants to join!”
we’ve done this in the past and it’s been great. BUT we have a friend who is a LOCAL and crashes our parties/nights out with her VERY BRATTY child. this kid clears a room with her screaming, rips things out of your hands, cries at the drop of a penny. and she’s 7 btw.
so, this friend of ours has her folks, her x husband, her sisters, her nieces and several friends (since she is 35 and has lived here all her life) but told T that she wants to come over for xmas dinner AFTER she has lunch with her folks.
i think it’s just really rude. the kid is a brat and they have family here whereas the rest of us are here alone. BUT we cant just msg everyone on our friends list individually or even in groups, cos she’ll know we left her out.
and we have no idead who is staying home and who isnt and arent going to phone ppl individually – we have exams to study for! (i mean HUNDREDS of ppl)
how do we do this? mention it in the status” attention everyone who is away from home for xmas! : T and I are having xmas dinner and have 6 seats left!” sort of make it obvious it’s for visitors?
help pls im at the point of just cancelling the whole thing
ive told her before not to bring her kid and she has been like ” you got my text about my kid coming right?” with her head sticking in the door and her body outside still and her kid at my door.
we live in italy and here children are GODS. spoiled whiny gods. we have lots of mutual friends so i dont want to cause a rift and be the wicked witch who said something – which makes me resent my friends for being wusses even though they agree
Best answer:
Answer by goodluckwithhat
Tell her that you’re sorry but you are having a special Christmas dinner with friends and there won’t be room for her. Then suggest getting together, maybe for a short lunch or something, the following day.
And you may have to start putting your foot down with her kid. Either tell her to leave her home or when she does act up and is rude, tell her so. I’ve had the same problem with one of my son’s friends. She goes everywhere and does whatever she wants in our house. We were at another friends home with her the other day and she actually went upstairs, into one of her children’s rooms and brought down a doll house. It’s not easy or fun, but you have to lay down the law in your home. If that makes your friend not want to come any longer, so much the better.
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Try making the invite for adults only, no children. That way your friend can still come to the party, but will have to find a baby sitter for her daughter.
Tell your local friend that you are having a strictly ”Orphans Christmas”, only for those who can’t see family, and she’s welcome to come on Boxing Day (or some other time, at your convenience). Tell her that someone who can’t see family will miss out otherwise. If you tell her cheerfully and firmly that Xmas Day is ”orphans” only, and you’d love to see her the next day, she can’t really say anything. It’s all in the delivery. Be confident, assertive, friendly and quite definite that you are only hosting people who can’t visit their families. No matter what she may say or how she may act, you can continue to be friendly and definite. Say things like ”it will be lovely to do Xmas with you later, because we won’t be able to see you on Xmas Day”. It would help to have a full table as soon as possible, not that she needs to know names, but you can tell her you’ve already got RSVP’s. And since she’d be coming with her daughter, you’d need two seats for them, which means just four other guests. No, it’s wrong of her to invite herself. You get to choose who you entertain. People can’t just tell you they’re coming!
Edit – in your home you get to tell her child the house rules if she needs to hear them? Other parents might not like it but I tell visiting children when they are out of line, and I prompt them for please and thank you if required. It helps to be a mother, and if a child is really over the top and the parent does nothing, I realize I’m prepared to strain that relationship by setting boundaries I’m comfortable with.