Question by ★TouchedByAnAtheist★: What is the best way to tell people your house isn’t a “crash pad”?! I had to kick a good friend out.?
So We had a lil get together at my house. 2 of my friends ended up crashing because they were too drunk and didn’t want them to get a DUI. Another friend lives a couple of city blocks away, her boyfriend lives a lil further, but he doesn’t drive. WE’ll call them daisy and donald.
Daisy and donald have spent the night before because my husband said it was ok, but I’m not ok with that because daisy lives a few blocks away and does not drive. Donald is not allowed at her house. To be honest I dont’ trust Donald I’ve experienced him being and angry drunk on 2 occasions, I”m not comfortable around him I don’t even want him at my house but Daisy is my friend so I let him chill. Now I don’t know where it go twisted and they thought it was OK to just crash here because they “don’t have a ride” and they know I will say no if they as for a ride because If I say yes they expect rides and think its ok just because they give me money, but no it’s not OK that’s why I say know cuz i’m not a taxi and I’m very busy so TIME is an important factor for me.
So my 2 drunk friends crashed out on my floor, therefore leaving no room. I don’t know when or how they assumed they could stay. In fact it was very akward and I tried to be as straigh forward as I could without sounding like a bitch. The lights went out, I was turning the computer off. I was locking up and I asked them, “well what are you guys gonna do? I have to lock up my gates.” They were like well, “ugh well go ahead and crash out, we’re just gonna chill” It was like 2 am.
I thought I was very clear when I asked them what their plans were I mean I was turning everything off!. They go outside to my patio furniture and donald is like, “look at all that beer that john left” so they were obviously planning to keep drinking outdoors till the sunrose! I felt reall stepped on and disrespected,.
I went out there and told them I don’t know what you guys are planning but YOU CAN’T CHILL HERE.
DAISY was obviously upset they both left. So now daisy is saying she doesn’t know why I kicked them out and that I’m mad at her. Yes I’m mad that i made it pretty clear they couldn’t stay, and its not like she had to go very far, may be he did but that is NOT my problem. I don’t know when he got things mixed up and thinks that he’s very welcome here. So I have to talk to her and I don’t know how to say it without her getting all defensive. ‘
I obviously have to talk to her because she’s also saying to mutual friends that she was confused and that I was random for telling them to leave, and that she HAD to wait for a cab at 2 in the morning on the street! Well she didn’t have to do any of that, she could have gone home!! It’s not that far just a hop and a skip
My mistake is that the first time he got really angry drunk and slammed her against the parking lot wall, I should have said OK he’s NOT allowed in my home. That night I thought she was over it because she was crying so bad and obviosly he physically hurt her. But looking back I should have told her that he’s just not allowed in my house I didn’t expect her to to stay with him.
Well he’s the type to offer gas and then forget he offered and not give you anything.
Best answer:
Answer by Angela Claire
Tell her that you kicked them out because your husband didn’t want them there. Tell her that you feel stepped on and disrespected.
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you wake the drunks up and say… YOU HAVE TO GO HOME NOW.
YOU were too vague … YOU HAVE to be direct.
TELL THEM YOU can’t hang here all the time … tell Daisy it’s nothing against her it is the others that you don’t want hanging out at your house all the time.
You can quite simply say you had stuff to do the next day or tend to have a bad hangover and can’t deal with people in the morning cos there isn’t much space, don’t shift the blame to your husband (other comment), that’s pathetic. Firstly if you don’t want people to stay at your house don’t hold a piss up there, if you do it’s going to happen simple as that, someone always gets caught short in some way. I also hate aggressive drunks, there is only one cure for that and it is to not be in a situation where that person can get drunk. I’m sorry but there is no two ways about it if she is going to bring him then you can’t invite her. You may feel a bit guilty not inviting her but in my experience, it’s so much better being able to relax when you have a drink than having to constantly look over your shoulder waiting for the guy to blow his top at any innocent comment or jibe.
You had a little get together then your whinging bout them not going home.WTF.You don’t trust Donald but daisy is your friend you gave them the opportunity.You gave them the keys to your house practically.If these so called friends are a problem why invite them.You knew their behaviour you knew what it was going to be like its not their problem its yours.He’s not allowed at Daisies place who cares.Don’t invite them over then you won’t have a problem they don’t sound like friends and you don’t want to be their friend either you just want whats convenient for you and darling it doesn’t work like that and you could up in serious trouble.Walking home at night after they’ve been drinking is not very safe either I don’t see why they couldn’t have stayed until morning then left early morning before you got up and made sure they only had few more beers then didn’t make sound because you needed your rest because you had work in the morning and if you didn’t get rest you could be fired.I can totally vouch for daisy you didn’t respect her or her boyfriend your not very nice and you need to come down off your high horse and have some consideration.They were just being friendly and you may want to say BYO next time before you invite them.IT WAS A PROBLEM.YOU NEED TO BE STRAIGHT DOWN THE LINE AND UPFRONT FIRST NOT AFTER.LET THEM KNOW WHERE THEY STAND THEY DIDN’T KNOW THEY COULDN’T STAY AND YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT THEY COULDN’T SO YOU NEEDED TO BE CLEAR TO THEM ON THAT AT THE BIGINNING.NOW YOU HAVE UPSET YOUR FRIEND AND SHE DIDN’T KNOW,I WOULDN’T BE TOO PLEASED WITH YOU EITHER.BUT RESPECT NEEDS TO BE SHARED.YOU GIVE THEY GIVE ETC.DON’T MAKE A ANTS HILL INTO A TERMITES HILL.YOU NEED NOW TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH DAISY SO YOU DON’T HURT HER FEELINGS BECAUSE YOU’VE HURT HER AND IT’S NOT VERY NICE.I DON’T BLAME YOU BUT I JUST BELIEVE ALL THIS COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTABLE IF EVERYONE KNEW THAT THEY COULDN’T STAY THE NIGHT AT THE BEGINNING AND YOU JUST DIDN’T INVITE THEM FULL STOP.WHATEVER.
If they are offering you money for a ride, it seems a little petty to refuse. At least they are not freeloaders in that respect. How busy can you be at Midnight or whatever?
Daisy is not a good friend if she persistently shows up with somebody she knows you don’t like and maybe you should abandon that friendship.
I guess an alcohol-free “get together” is not an option
The thing is you weren’t clear at all. You ASKED them what they were gonna do so they had, as far as they were concerned, two choices, one of which was to crash or go home.
What you should have said was “please don’t take this the wrong way but it’s 2 am and I am ready for bed so it’s time you left.” Then they can’t say that you gave them two messages.
If you don’t want the same mistake happening again, you need to make it clear what the sleeping arrangements are when you make the next invitation, for example “we are having a party and you are invited. We envisage that it’s going to finish late so you’re more than welcome to stay the night” or “we are having a party to which you are invited. As we have an early morning start Saturday I’m afraid the party will be finishing at 11:00 pm and there will be no overnight guests so please make sure that you have transport arranged for then.”
KD
When you ask someone what their plans are, you are asking a question. You are not being direct.
In the future with these two particular jokers I would do the following:
1) Tell them BEFORE the party (and I mean at least a day before) that it ends at (insert time) and everyone will be going home. No over-nighters and everyone is responsible for their own transportation.
2) If it’s a problem at the next party then STOP inviting them. Or at the very least do not let them in your house without them giving you $40 cash for the cab you know you’re going to have to call…
And whatever you do, make sure your hubby is on board with whatever plan you decide on together. If he undermines the “house rules” then you’ve got bigger problems than these idiot friends.
Don’t be indirect in the future. To them, you weren’t very clear.
I’d call Daisy and apologize. Try something like this: “Daisy, I’m sorry you felt that I kicked you out, but I really need advance notice for overnight guests. I thought it was clear that I was inviting you all over for an evening get-together and not to spend the night, but I guess I wasn’t. In the future, I’ll be sure to be more direct so you can arrange for a ride or pick a designated driver.”
Then follow through. Next time you invite them over, let them know when the get-together is going to be over. Say, “We’re having dinner at 6 and then we’re going to hang out until about 11.”
You also need to talk to your husband to make sure that you two are on the same page so guests don’t get mixed messages.
Just tell them to take a Taxi home. Taxis where I live give you a discount if you need a ride home when you were drinking.
quite possibly !