Question by emsbeauty2: CAN his attitude about divorce ever change?
My husband and I have been married for 3yrs. He’s a good man, hard working and responsible. We both are. No kids.
He married before. His wife left him. Both his parents are divorced and remarried, his father twice. My parents never divorced nor did any of my family and I wasen’t exposed to it. Divorce, to me, is VERY drastic and not a “quick fix” to end what you once had with someone you love or loved.
Last month my husband said to me, “I don’t want to be married anymore”. This is exactly what his first wife said to him. Our marraige has had ups and downs, but I love him dearly and am wondering if this may be some sort of early midlife crisis or newly surfaced issues that he might not have completely resolved.
I plan on packing a few things, renting a place close by, reassuring him that I love him and am there for him and give him time and space. He is very unhappy right now and wont talk about it.
Any comments, opinions or thoughts??
Oh, forgot to mention…we HAVE gone to counseling. He went several times with me and the counseler said she wanted some one on one with each of us. He quit going after 2 sessions. I am still seeing her.
Best answer:
Answer by Louwho
wow you are handling this better than i could or would. he won’t talk about it? your his wife…. i worry he may be wanting more and thinks the grass is greener on the other side. you may want to discuss couples therapy
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
As long as your positive and supportive He’s bound to come to his senses.
Maybe time away from him will clear things up for him, but you shouldn’t sit around waiting for him your whole life. If he loves you he will come, but if he doesn’t…move on!!!
Seek marriage counseling. Even if he won’t go, go by yourself.
i think you are doing the right thing.. its hard i know, but if he still has love for you, he will realize you were there for him.. he has to see that on his own.. maybe having some space will give him a chance to think over somethings.. the same for you too.. good luck hun
Kudos to you for being the adult in this relationship. There is a possibility that he is just going through things and does not know how to work through them because his family has never learned to deal with problems either. However, at some point he will need to talk about this and you both will need to deal with this together. It is not something that time will just make go away and then you can resume your life as usual without expecting this to happen again. If you can just continue to offer support as you are right now assuring him that you will not leave him that will help. But at some point if he is not willing to have help through counseling with you or without you to deal with these problems then you would be best to move on and find someone without issues that are not resolvable or at least someone willing to work with you on the marriage. You cannot be expected to find happiness by staying married if you are the only one really in the relationship. Just take one day at a time for now…..I wish you all the best…..
My family has never experienced divorced and I too consider it drastic. I witnessed a friend go through a divorce over the last two years after she learned her husband was having an affair with a coworker and got her pregnant.
They too were having ups and downs for the better part of a year, but nothing my friend thought would result in infidelity. He began staying out late at work meetings and his behavior at home suddenly became sullen. He told her he was “lost” and didn’t know what he wanted in life. He refused to talk as well.
You don’t give enough detail about your relationship to draw many conclusions.
Clearly you need to talk to a marriage counselor to help you deal with this situation, whether its to work on your marriage or help you go through a divorce. Stay calm, cool and collected. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst so that your life stays on track.
Good luck and God speed.
well sweetie you may be the first one in the family whos marriage will end in divorce, which is the reality of it all. you and your husband are OPPOSITES to the fullest. your family doesnt divorce his does. thats a big issues and you should have taken heed to it, and your his second wife. sweetie the odds against your marriage working were not in your favor. you leaving and setting up shop in another place will only show him that you dont need him. give him all the space he needs in the same house. dont allow this to be easy for him. marriage is not a game and he should know that by now. marriage is WORK and both people must be willing to put forth the work and effort to make it work. he need to grow up and you need to get off of fantasy island. if you want YOUR marriage than you better start doing things to save it. now if you have done all that you can and he is still acting like a big kid than at that point you must respect and accept his wishes and give him the divorce. GodBless
Look for a man that has been raised to lead a marriage not to run to a lawyer.