Question by another day: gf didnt tell me she has her daughters grandparents over two weeks a year?
i met a woman online after my wife left me.We seemed to have like minded goals in life,and financially things seemed compatable.We decided to make a child,as she has a daughter from a deceased man.I am in the process of selling my home,intending to move in with her,and become a family.Now,after she tells me she is pregnant by me,she now tells me her deceased boyfriends parents visit every year for two weeks at Christmas and one week during Memorial Day.What s your opinion on this?Should i have been told this prior to us making a child?The step granny calls me “old” and argues not to be with me,and has never met me
would you be concerned about not being told this info before hand?
give me a freaking break about the getting married first crap.I waited 2 yrs to marry my first wife,waited 12 yrs to make our first child,and then she split.There is a 75% divorce rate in this country because women dont value men at aLL,and pull crap like this
Best answer:
Answer by Jane
I may have learned more about her, maybe met her extended family, and, oh, married her before I made a child. By that time I would have known about all this.
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why wouldnt this come as common sense to you?? its her daughters grandparents..regardless of what happened to the father they are still blood…to them it may be all that remains of there son…..if you were to pass away would you not want your parents to continue seeing your child?? it shouldnt bother you at all
concerned and upset yes, but i think you need to understand that all people involved have had to deal with a great loss and maybe they need this time together. be the bigger person and make the best of it
I would be to a certain extent. You were both rushing things. Just see what happens.
I think the child’s family should be allowed to visit the family. What’s your issue with it and why does she need to tell you about it beforehand? She just wants her child to know her father’s family, despite his death. What’s so wrong with that? Geez! As for the grandmother making comments about you, so what? It’s two weeks out of the year, and your relationship shouldn’t be threatened by it if it’s strong. Why not meet her, show her that you’re a nice guy, then get rid of all the hostility? Seriously, you sound like you’re being controlling and over reactive about this. The woman has a right to stay in touch with a passed loved one’s family, and the child has a right to know her father’s family and her family.
you are bitter, so your handle is completely appropriate.
let me first say, i’m sorry that your wife hurt you. i’m glad that you found someone with similar goals as you.
i think you should accept the husband’s family. give them a chance. you may hate them in time, but try to give it a shot before completely hating them.
no love is perfect. you have to remember that. sometimes it makes sense to make allowances for such things.
if she is going to split, she will regardless.
hmmm you sound bitter to me…I don’t think she intentionally held anything back from you…I do think that you need to work on your attitude, and quit thinking that every woman is out to get you and the entire male population…
Wow so she already started off the relationship on secrets but you are now stuck with her because of the child at least financially if you refuse to go live with her now and continue your relationship with her and the unborn child
Sorry man and I love how all the woman in the room are telling her you sound bitter, but I’d love to see what they’d say if the shoe was on the other foot
I can understand the deceased fathers parents wanting to see their grand daughter but I would suggest offering to put them up in a hotel for the times they come instead of staying at the home now
If this is the only thing she did not clue you in on, you should count your blessings. The grandparents are visiting the child of their dead son, show them that you are a kind man and they will be happy you are in their grandchild’s life.
Make lemonade out of this possible lemon situation.
or you can just plan to be away during the time they are there.
or your gf could just let the girl visit with the grandparents at the grandparents place.
Maybe your gf thought the grandparents would just go away and it would not be an issure. She must be a kind hearted lady to allow them to stay that long. Legally they have no rights.
I say congratulations for finding a woman who wants her child to know his father’s family.
Get to know the grandparents. If your gf likes them so much and cares about them enough to open her home to them 3 weeks of the year, perhaps you will like them too.
Yes, I think if you are planning to move in with someone, you should let them know they will have house guests for 3 weeks of the year, but this is not a deal breaker. It’s a flag that you don’t know her well enough to move in with her.
And I have to take issue with your last statement. The divorce rate is not completely the fault of women. You sound bitter and angry.
I don’t think your problem is that she didn’t tell you about the grandparents visiting. The problem is that you are trying to find a way to leave her before she leaves you! Why? Do you not love her anymore? Are you afraid of her leaving you first? The grandparents visiting is the norm for her and she probably didn’t think you would make such a big deal over them visiting for a few weeks. So what if they are there? What is the actual problem here? I don’t see one other than you! This is YOUR problem not hers and you better figure out how to deal with it like an adult!
doesn’t seem that her not telling you about this was intentional….you’re acting as if she waited to say anything to you until she got pregnant by you…I don’t see what difference it really makes to you or your roll?
I suppose it would have been nice of her to mention it…but then again the fact she allows her child’s deceased fathers family to see this child is really none of your business….okay so it’s a home you share together….why can’t you be accommodating? You say the grandmother called you old and argues with her about being with you? well was this before or after your reaction to their visit? because just based on your tone I would guess that you didn’t hold back in your response to them coming to visit….lighten up!
This dead man’s family is no threat to you or your unborn child…I think it’s nice that she continues to open her home to these folks as family…there is no law that says per breakup or death that you have to “hate” the last ones family…you just seem so threatened by them and their involvement or their visits…calm down…you say women don’t value men at all? WOW…what a generalization….what is “crap like this”? what crap did she pull? Allowing her childs grandparents visits with their grandchild…wow…she’s a horrible horrible woman…why are you with her?!!
wow buddy…you need to step a couple of notches down from your pedestal…did you actually think getting involved with a woman with a child that you would never ever have to deal with that childs fathers family???? well welcome to the real world…her family doesn’t just go away because you’re in the picture…maybe you should have thought of that!