We have been back together now for 8 months since the split, we have been married a total of 10 years. Everything is fine on the surface but I can’t get over what she did to me and inside I am so angry. If I try to bring up my feelings she gets stand offish, like it’s time to just let it go already and live in the moment.
You haven’t fully forgiven your wife, because if you did you wouldn’t be still feeling the way that you do.
That’s awesome. Sounds like she had enough of the big peepee on the side and decided she could come back to you. Look for this to happen in again in the next 3 months… give or take a few days.
Brandon
You/y’all may want to consider marital counseling. She came back to you and that says alot, but those feelings you’re experiencing and her “stand-offishness” about them may lead to bigger problems down the line. There is some repair work needing to be done. Sweeping it under the rug won’t cut it.
you will never get over it and I would not be surprised if she will do it again I talk to many women all the time in my type of business and trust me they cheat once they do it again and again.
I have never met a women that did it once and stopped.
Women are not like men we cheat for an emotional connection and if we stay with the man that we cheated on it is because we are afraid to be alone it is only a matter of time before we are doing it again.
A man can cheat and still love his wife because men do it for sexual desire they do not put sex and love together women do.
Have you tried counseling. If you need to talk about it she needs to understand that and listen and talk with you if she can’t maybe you need to rethink things you have every right to be angry
I don’t think I’d ever feel secure that relationship.
I wish you luck.
Maybe you should see a marriage counselor to help you both get through some unresolved issues.
You have not fully forgiven her and it is easy to see why!!! If she will not talk with you about what happened there is no way for you to move past this point!! She has to talk and be open or you will never be able to trust her- I think you already know that!! But since you are together right now suggest counciling for the two of you!! If she really cares about you she will go!! If she will not go then you can probably look for this to happen again!! Sorry!!!
P.S. Ultimately you must decide if you can live with someone having to always wander if they are being honest with you and where they are all the time?? Do you want to spend your life that way??
You can’t. She’s using you as a safety net until she finds what SHE’S looking for (i.e. if the other “relationships” she’s probably seeking actively don’t work out, she’s got you to fall back on).
get some counseling first of all. Then see if there is still something there. You will be angry for a long time. Once you open pandora’s box-the innocence is gone. She is being selfish by not listening to your needs. If she continues, you should consider a separation. There are no winner in martial affairs.
Wow. You’re a bigger person than I could ever have been. When mine cheated, I was outa there, and gone forever…leaving an 18 years marriage, and we had it all–$$$ community status, nice cars, travel, nice house, fun parties, great jobs, wonderful friends… yadaydaydaydadya
But some things you need to know about cheating… and hon, she indeed had that one going before she just walked out on you.
Betrayal is one of those dealbusters…. if marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, the trust got gone with the passion getting shared, so the other two are in the toilet too. You also ought to know that less than 20 % of marriages continue two years after betrayal, and that is with both in counseling, and both hoping to save it. And 20 % is an F in school, and an F. in life. So the chances of this surviving aren’t very good.
In your place, assuming you do wish to save it, you and she need to be in counseling, hon…with a couples counselor. You have every right to be angry, and that ain’t gonna go away any time soon…I’m sorry she doesn’t see that… she can’t keep sweeping it under a rug, sweets, it just won’t work. And you and she need help if you are going to save this…. cuz you can’t save it by yourself. Resentment is the killer of relationships. And pretty soon, you will resent it all…. her leaving, your taking her back, her telling you to “just let it go…” and the rest of that crap.
I wish you the best, hon.
Trust is gone. It will not be again. She do not want to be reminded of her guilt and you cannot forget it. No one outside can answer your question or help you. It is you and her. This is a time to say, I know God.
IN reality, I would have divorced her, and in fact, did divorce my ex for this and other reasons, and haven’t ever looked back. Your wife is and always will be a cheater.
The fact is you buried your feelings, and made nice. You need counseling, and must decide whether or not to stay. I promise you that if you do leave you WILL BE BETTER OFF. I don’t care what her reasons where. The fact is your feeling of lacking trust in her ARE valid and real. If she can’t deal with that, too bad.
I would not make her wrong. She already WAS WROING, and expects you to forget and forgive. It isn’t always possible, even after a trail run.
You ARE NOT being unreasonable if you leave this relationship/marriage, and in fact. have developed self-respect.
Where there is a lack of trust, love cannot exist. That is the facts of it all.
I don’t know if you can, a co/worker of mine and i get on great at work and over the last few weeks he has open up a lot to me. When we first started working together i knew that he was married(has been married for 20 years) and had 2 children, and as time went on he told me that he and his wife had split back in 2005 for a few months. She had met someone else and moved in with him, when things didn’t go well after a few months she wanted to come back home and as the old saying goes “The grass wasn’t greener on the other side”.
It’s been nearly 2 years since she moved back in, and he said just the other day that his still hurt by what she did.
And he doesn’t fully trust her and doesn’t know if he ever really will, he to says on the surface all looks well but deep down it doesn’t. He says if it wasn’t for his daughter needing the computer for school work, he would throw it out. He says he hates the fact that he feels he can’t trust his wife on the Internet, and is afraid she might run off again. And he doesn’t want to live like this, but as time goes by he was hoping he would feel different but he doesn’t. It’s gotten to where he feels he wants to move out, all that he thought they had between them is some what gone. I knew his not happy he feels very betrayed by what she did to him and his family, i wish you all the best as i do him.
Kick her to the curb and move on.
I am sorry, I would like to help but I just can’t fix STUPID!!!
Why would you want a woman back when she decided she wanted to be with someone else? I would have said you have chosen him over me and would have filed for divorce immediately and not looked back. There are a lot of fine women out there that would have loved to have been there for you. No woman’s P*ssy is made of gold. And if she left you then if she was rich you would have gotten a lot of money to get you through the pain. AND you will never really feel secure with this woman knowing she did this once. You just have to live day to day and the next time she leaves, have your lawyer’s number in your night stand!
It is probably time to leave the past in the past. Is there another reason why you can’t let this go? Did both of you ever address it during your reconciliation 10 years ago? Maybe you didn’t get the closure you deserved. It is probably unfair if there was no closure, unfortunately you can’t go back in time and correct this. I think it is time to make your own decision on it, either accept the situation for what it is and focus on the relationship now or dwell on it and live in the past. The latter will make for a bitter life.
No one lives forever, life is short so why spend the time you have left dwelling on things? It’s time to let go and move on. Continue with your marriage and make it the best it can be. I do however, recommend you speak to someone about your open wound, even if it is a friend.