Question by oldschoolio: How can I stop being abused by my wife?
My wife screams and yells at me virtually every moment we are together (from the time I get home from work until bedtime.) She calls me “stupid”, “retarded”, “idiot” and many other unkind words.
Sometimes when I can’t take it anymore, I put my fingers in my ears. Then she grabs my thumbs and twists them so I have to pull them out of my ears so she can continue screaming at me.
She has also punched and kicked me several times. This has been going on for over two years.
Everyone who knows her agrees that she has untreated mental illness (probably bipolar disorder). She will not accept help or even admit she has a problem.
I would have left her by now except for the fact that we have a 21-month-old daughter. My wife uses our little girl to control me.
I have no way to defend myself from her except to leave for a while – which i do when things get really bad. Whenever I start to lose my temper she threatens to call the cops on me for abusing her.
She has lied before and said that I pushed her around and/or beat her up. Even though all i did was yell back at her. She called the police once and had me locked up for the weekend. I still have pending domestic violence charges against me.
Our baby girl witnesses all this insanity on a daily basis.
I feel like I am trapped and losing my mind.
I don’t know what to do.
Can someone please help me?
Best answer:
Answer by James S
dump her seriously
no one deserves to be treated like that!
Add your own answer in the comments!
You need to set up a video camera in the house or have friends over so they can see that you are a victim in this instance. No one should be subjected to physical abuse…ever. Unfortunately, most cops will side with the wife in such instances and arrest the husband…because that is the usual case. It’s important for you to gather all of the evidence you can to prove you are innocent. …and if she does strike you at all, YOU should call the police for help.
If I were you, I would also consider divorcing her. Consult an attorney.
Divorce her.
And about her using your little girl to get at you. The fact she is yelling at you. Mm if I was a judge I would really give custody to her *insert sarcasm* Nvm about your little girl you can win custody or atleast part of it
did you marry your mother? not a put down dude but tell your wife you have a mom and really don’t need another one.
you have to teach her a lesson and show her that this behavior is no longer acceptable.
the next time she punches or kicks you, call the police and file a report.
when the authorities remove her from the house, take steps to get sole custody of your daughter.
i applaud you for not resorting to retaliation violence against her and just walking away, but enough is enough.
let her know that there are consequences for ones actions, even for her.
Sure I can help…just email me…as soon as you admit what you are at fault at in the relationship…such as hanging out with your friends drinking or drugging …cheating…etc
look into having her commited to get treatment for her mental illness, you may need to contact a lawyer to find out what you need to do.
she needs help, take her to the doctors.
Get out. The little girl will someday thank you. There is nothing worse than growing up in a violent home.
i’d say tape the shit if you can, hide a camera, or a recorder somewhere, after you get about 2-3 of these incidents on recorder and or camera, hide them somewhere safe then on the 4th time she does it call the law on her ass. this will give you something to fight with when it’s time to fight for costody of your daughter. don’t bring the camcorder or the recorder out until it comes time to fight for costody of your daughter, don’t let anyone know you’ve got them especially your wife. don’t let the cops know you have them either, just use them in court. Also having people who can back up the things that you say is a plus. So if you have to ever go to court bring the people who have witnessed the abuse with you so they can vouch for you.
If there is any hope for this relationship, there has to be counseling. Have a serious conversation during a pause in the insanity. Give her an ultimatum and state that there has to be counseling or you will leave. Start keeping a folder with dates and record the abuse. Keep recorded phone calls and take the advice of the policeman. Get custody of your precious daughter. Don’t leave her with this abusive mentally ill mom. It is only a matter of time before she is the next victim. Your life has to be spent protecting and bettering the life of your child. It has got to be your life’s mission. Get informed and sit in the library or bookstore and just read on how you can prepare yourself and your defense. Be pro-active but, you have to get counseling no matter what you do. You need it to start again.
Taking you out of the picture for a minute, what stood out to me is that your child sees all of this.
Setting up a camera may not be a bad idea, record all of the incidences, have anyone who has seen that she is a violent person write it down and sign it (you’ll have it notarized later). The more evidence you have, the better.
You need to divorce her and take custody. That is no life for a child, or you.
ya know you have to think of the abuse your daughter will go through if you dont get the both of you out of this situation. If you love her and know she loves you try and get her help if she is just cold and crazy get out and hide if you cant have her arrested. concider a restraining order.
You need to leave her, for good. File for full custody of the child. Sounds like your little girl might not be safe being left with her.
those answers that say record her. video tape her,,,, they are exactly right you gotta defend yourself.
and once she is in jail for the weekend they will eval her on site
and it will help your case. dont stay for the little girl…. take the little girl outta there. just until wife gets well with treatment.
medical treatment works dude. thats why God invented it.
you didnt say anything about love, do you love each other? if so; then you will get her some help,
by recording her voice and having her spend the night in jail for DV. just like you did
it will open her mind and force her into court ordered DV counseling at the least. theres court ordered anger management etc. dont sit around like a victim do something about it.
starting with recording her secretly.
good luck, and you can e-mail me too, Im interested in how this turns out>>jen
Type out each past incident and the physical abuse you have endured. give exact date, time, location, what she called you, etc. Make copies. Keep hidden.
Go into therapy now and cry your heart out, and say you are terrified you for and the kid. The physical violence has existed along with verbal abuse.
Keep going going to therapy for three weeks and cry, say you are losing too much slewep and can’t concentrate, etc.
Then, also simultaneously go to your doctor and say the same. get precisions for sleeplessness and nervousness….fill the presumption but careful About taking them. Not too much, please. All these are the records of your being abused, for courts to consider. Wife has zero, basically… tell doctor what is happening to you at home.
Then, file a criminal order of protection to get wife out of you and kid’s life….try to show the cops your and or kid’s blood, or a recent medical
report of her physical abuse towards you. They Will help you get a criminal order of protection to preeminently remover her from the home and keep her away. Ask court that she have zero contact with the child, or else, request court supervised visitation for her forever no more than three hours once a month tops. You are in charge and it must be you to raise the child despite your work situation.
Protect yoU and the child. BTW- if she abuses the child in any way, document that too, not not bathing, poor sanitary conditions when you are at work, etc. Demand courts to psychologically and sociopathically test WIFE.
You are correct she is an undiagnosed mental patient, and she is endanger all three of you.
How to Stop Domestic Violence | how.com
How to article – how to stop domestic violence. Many people think that Domestic Violence is just the physical abuse towards another person. However, domestic violence…
http://www.ehow.com/how_2243891_stop-domestic-violence.html
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships
… symptoms of an abusive relationship, and how to report domestic violence.s … choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner. …
help guide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_eff… – Cached
divorce her. i been there done that they wont change unless they get the help they need and they will have to get the help them selves
The best thing u can do is 2 get out of the relationship….but i no from experience how very hard that is when uv got children n you love the person ur with…always hopin that they will change n things will get better…but trust me things progress 2 bein really bad….i suffered domestic violence from my husband for 14 yrs b4 i finally thought i need 2 get out ov this before i end up dead….iv ad broken bones been kicked up n down stairs really bin beaten the crap outta me but i still kept takin him back untill i couldnt take no more…..n the awful thing now is i feel soooooooooo guilty at what iv put my 3 gorgeous children through….all because he was their dad n i luved him n wanted so badly for him 2 change….my youngest son who’s now 12 as mental health issues because ov me stayin in that marriage….iv bin separated from him now for over 2 yrs n e still thinks e has a hold on me but far from it….i got strong n it was tough i went through hell…..my only advice 2 you hun is 2 get out…dont end up like i did. Ur lil girl is young enough not 2 remember wot she has seen wen she gets older unless u stay in that relationship.
I hope you find the courage 2 do whats best n i wish u well.
GARY D ..is right, set up a video, this way you will have evidence when you do have to appear in court…
Do not tolerate this behaviour from her another minute… if she is that violent then take your child and leave her.. also go to the police station and make a report… always CYA= cover your ass
You do not have to put up with her abuse….Always remember the law is on the women’s side when it comes to domestic violence even though she is the one who is the abuser……. if she hits you and then she calls the police you’ll be the one arrested not her.. they will take her word over yours……I’ve seen it happen to others…
You need to think of what that little girl is going to grow up to be like if she’s around her mother!!
Next time she hits you, call the police and dont worry about looking like a pansy, cause your wife is SICK.
Then, divorce her imediately and try to get full custody. What if she tries to kill you?? Dont think it wont happen, cause she’s a time bomb and a very cruel one. She may be treating your daughter like this when you’re not around.
I agree with the guy who said to video her doing this ranting and raving because you will need PROOF that she’s lied about you hitting her instead of vice versa.
Put her on Dr. Phil—do something!!! Your daughter is the real victim here, so HELP HER!