wife left after 19ers four kids said her feelings changed i have the kids
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It seems that the answer is obvious. How can anyone stay friends with someone who would hurt you that way? And after being together for so long and didn’t want to work it out? Could it have been so awful? I couldn’t do it.
You can only be friends when you are truly over someone intimately, If you still want to be with her, it is going to be hard being friends. Give it time and space.
Hi Whip, You don’t have to necessarily be friends. But, it is in the kids best interests to at least be acquaintances. Smooches.
Nothing is ever easy. But when we love someone, sometimes no matter how badly they hurt us, if we truly do love them; then there’s nothing they can do to make that love go away.
Your wife wants to stay friends because in some respects she still does love you. She just doesn’t see you as a husband anymore.
Frankly, you still look at her and see a wife. She’s asking you to love her as a friend.
At this stage it may seem very hard to move on. And right now you don’t trust her enough to stay friends with her. But if you take the time to accept that she wants to be on her own, then its okay to love her and still maybe go out and find someone else to be with you.
You may think this is silly, but the reality is that if the marriage wasn’t that good in retrospect, things may have worked out for the best.
There are couples who are content to be in a drab marriage because its convenient, or they feel they have to remain in the marriage just because of their vows.
But the reality is as human beings, sometimes we need to move on in life without a spouse, even if we were not the ones that wanted the marriage to end.
With four kids, would you want to hate her? Would you want to resent her? She gave you four children and so there you have four kids that love you. Its not like she left you all alone.
All you can do is try, and it’ll be hard getting past the anger, rage, hurt, jealousy, and other emotions and still get back to the point where you can care about her still.
It may seem like half a cup, but in the end it may work out for the best.
There’ve been stories I’ve read here on Y!A, and one comes to mind where a man was married for 25 years. His marriage sucked. He approached his wife and asked her for a divorce because he felt they had drifted apart. He was verging on an affair anyway.
She said yes, he did have the affair. It didn’t last, but he did get the divorce.
A few years later he married a woman that he did truly love and he was very happy that he did that.
So in this respect, if everything is right maybe you can find a new woman to share your life with, who won’t want to leave you. And if you’re smart you’ll take every lesson you learned in 19 years of marriage and be sure not to make any mistakes with someone else.
Its not that your wife hates you, she doesn’t. But as I said, she doesn’t see you as a husband anymore. And keeping her in the marriage and unhappy would just mean a bad marriage.
What does she mean by “stay friends”?
If she means have a civilized relationship without fighting and hate, then YES… ABSOLUTELY! In fact, you should strive for this in order to minimize the stress on your children and enable them to have a good relationship with both of their parents.
If, on the other hand, she wants to “hang out”, and do things together, then the answer would be… not just “no”… HELL NO!!!
That would not be realistic at all for several reasons…
1. Too much emotional baggage. It would be a roller coaster ride… and not in the good way!
2. It would prevent you from getting over the pain and moving on!
3. It would allow her to pretend she still has a family when you are all together, but she can still have her singleness when she wants that. WTH? She can’t have it both ways.
4. When you are ready, and find someone else, she will be in the way of you new relationship. And don’t be surprised if, when that time comes, she suddenly wants to get back together and try to make it work.
You need to move on. Not just in appearance, but emotionally, which means you need to get over her, and trying to remain “friends” will prevent that. Be civil and kind, but the only time you need to see her or talk to her is when the kids are concerned. This notion of being “friends” is just absurd!
But look at the bright side… you have the kids. It would tear me apart to not be able to see my kids every day!