Question by teresa: Married 5 years should I stay with him?
I’ve been married for 5 years. 1 year and a half into our marriage he wanted to go out so I said OK. He drove to a strip club and said “lets try here” I say “I don’t know” he said “please” I said “OK”. We are there 5 minutes and I tell him Lets go I don’t like it here. He tells me no. I kept telling him lets go, he tells me I want a dance from one of the girls, then I left. I go to the car but I don’t want to leave him there without a ride so I wait in the car for 20 min. He came out and we drive home no talking. That night we sleep in separate rooms. Next day I tell him I’m leaving you cared more about a strip then me and the way I felt. He says “I’m sorry, I was stupid, I made a mistake, I’ll never do it again”. After talking to a friend about things I stay and thing are good. He deploys and comes home everything is still okay. He deploys again. I have our 2nd child will his gone. Though-out his deployment he calls every other day. One month after the baby is born in Aug its 1 a week, in Sep its 1 every 12 days, in Oct before he comes home he tells me “I’m not sure we should be together anymore”. He doesn’t even tell me when he came home. His friend calls and asks me what unit his in so he can pick him up. I find out his on myspace every day. I check the phone bill after he turns the phone on and I see the same number everyday and his texting that number like crazy. I ask him whats going on and who is she. He says no one that its my fault he just doesn’t feel loved. I tell him about the myspace and the phone then he finally says okay its because of another woman. My heart broke I felt out of breath and a pain in my chest. I tell him don’t leave me and the kids. I start to think and I check his email he has pics of 4 different women and and emails calling him baby and saying I love you and there emails his sending telling them he loves them. I call the number on the phone bill and a man answers so I ask him if he knows my husband and he replies yes, his wife and my husband have been sending messages and talking and his wife left him already and they have kids. So know he is having relationships online with women from his past. This is worse then last time and now he is saying “I’m sorry, I was stupid, It was a big mistake, I’ll never do it again”.
Do I give him that chance to hurt me again. What he did now is worse then what he did before.
Best answer:
Answer by bergy10
No. He sounds like a real tosser that does not deserve a second chance.
What do you think? Answer below!
Heck no….the whole strip club thing, thats in the past, cant bring that up….guys will do stupid stuff like that…but leaving you with two childeren not letting you know when he came home. etc…thats just not right…stay away..tell him to go back to his fake online relationship…and leave you alone
He needs a lot of help to grow up.
give him a separation. he’s cheating on you and until he realises you are valuable to him, he’ll continue with this behaviour.
Let me first say I am so sorry that your husband has placed you in this situation. His adulterous actions are despicable. What is the worst betrayal I feel, is that he did not even tell you and your children when he returned from deployment. No matter how he may feel about the relationship between the two of you, he should have been counting the days to be with his children. Your children do not deserve to be treated with such disrespect and rejection. Again, I am so sorry you are having to face these issues.
As far as whether you should take him back of not, no one can answer that for you. I found some good questions to ask yourself in a bible-based article entitled, “When A Mate is Unfaithful – Is Reconciliation Possible?” Here is a quote:
“To make an informed decision, a faithful spouse needs to clarify her feelings and the options that are open to her. She might consider the following: Does he want to come back? Has he definitely ended the adulterous relationship, or is he reluctant to do so promptly? Has he said that he is sorry? If so, is he truly repentant, sincerely remorseful about what he did? Or does he tend to blame me for his wrongdoing? Does he genuinely regret the hurt he has caused? Or, rather, is he merely upset that his illicit relationship has been exposed and disrupted?
What about the future? Has he started rectifying the attitudes and actions that led up to the adultery? Is he firmly resolved not to repeat the wrong? Or does he still have a tendency to flirt and to form improper emotional bonds with the opposite sex? (Matthew 5:27, 28) Is he fully committed to rebuilding the marriage? If so, what is he doing about it? Positive answers to these questions may be a basis for believing that marital restoration is possible.”
You can read this article in it’s entirety at http://www.watchtower.org just enter “reconciliation” in the Search box on the top right hand corner of the homepage. There are also other articles such as: The Option of Divorce, Meaningful Support, Why Some Stay Together. I hope these articles can help you and lead you to your decision.