After 11 years of marriage, my wife left me and our two kids for an high school flame. she says she wants to just be friends. That is so impossible for me to do. How can she possibly expect me to be her friend, when I just want to try and salvage our marriage?
Wow.
Some wife you have there.
find someone hotter than her and her flame and shove it up her face.
It sounds like you need to ask her to go to family counseling. She needs to be understanding of how you feel and of your wants and needs. Good Luck!
Change of heart…
That’s sad. I think what you can do is just go along with it. Be nice to her and talk to her like if you are friends. Maybe then she’ll realize how stupid she was to leave you.
that sucks you cant cause you have kids tell her get her life together and then talk to you.
Two words:
1.) Move
2.) on
why would you even want to salvage that. just get her for child support and kick her to the curb
She is a selfish B….she did not even consider yours or her own childrens feelings or life! Tell her she can see the kids (if they want too), but you do not have any obligation to her…just don’t fight in front of the kids…
You wife has walked away from her responsiblities. Unfortunately for you that means that you have to take up the slack. Tell her to shove it up where the sun don’t shine. She was the one that walked out on you guys. She basically just abandoned her children. And what kind of lesson are they going to learn from her doing that!? What a horrible thing to do to your own children. I think you need to tell her to get lost and not come back until she is ready to be a mother and wife and not some 16 year old brat.
Don’t be friends she doesn’t deserve it. Tell her to go and be happy where the grass is greener. But she is dead to you. It will make your life a lot less stressful.
I rarely say this about a woman, but for someone to do that to her husband and children, yet still want to keep in touch to just emotionally torture them, well, Yahoo would bleep out the word I would use to describe her (and I am sure we all know what it is). Don’t let her do this to you and your children!! She had no right to walk out on you, and, by letting her still be “friends”, you are putting your blessing on her actions, not to mention creating a hell of a lot of emotional and mental stress for both yourself and the kids.
aww im srry and i doubt u can be friends but my father left my mom after 11 years of marriage 6 years ago with 4 kids. They are soo far from being friends but shes making it just fine even tho its hard so u can make it through aswell and u cant make someone stay in a relationship they r not happy with but she was dead wrong for leaving the kids too
Hi Jeff , that’s f ed up.. sound like she wants a back up plan. I don’t think you should want to be her friend. you and your kids should have someone who wants to be with you. i think i would change my life for the better, move on its a new year make a new start, treat yourself like your a wonderful person and good things will come your way…do something you always wanted to do, join some single groups ,
What a stupid b***h! You are better off without her. She isn’t worth the dirt under your shoe if she left your children and your marriage for a fling. Absolutely not, how can you two be just friends. Sorry to say but it just doesn’t look like she wants to salvage the marriage. You have to move on with your life, I know that it’s hard to say then do. Sue her for child support if she is not willing to help you, that will change her tune. I wish you the best.
I’m most definitely not an expert in this matter but if you can’t work it out in a reasonable amount of time, you should try to at least get along with her for your kids sake. Try to find out what made her decide that she no longer wanted to be with you & the kids. Has she shown any signs of wanting to leave or have you two had problems (none of my business but you would know if any). If she has no real response, maybe you should just try to move on… who knows, she may just need time to reflect & “find” herself. I really don’t know what that means but I have a few friends that have said & done this. I’ve been married to the same man for 22 years & together for 23 and I don’t know how people can do this. I have 2 sons & could never leave them or my husband. You hang in there and I hope everything works out for you & your kids
i don’t think you should try to salvage the marriage. are you honestly going to forgive her for everything she did to you?
and definitely don’t be her friend. with friends like that, who needs ex-wives?
Wow.. U need to sort out custody and move on.. She is not worth the pain…
If she means that much to you, offer some type of reconciliation method, such as counseling… If she goes for it, she still wants to be with you, if not… I’m so sorry, but you could probably do better for you and your children considering she left them too…
WOW, im so sorry that you are going through that, i know its way to difficult to manage it all while hurting so bad!! But you need to give her what she wants, she wants freedom then give her just that, NO FREINDSHIP, NO SPECIAL FAVORS, NOTHING only communicate with her for the kids when necessary and that is it!! Belive me she will realize faster then you think what she has given up, and she will also realize the grass that she thought was greener is actually very brown and not as good!! Even though its hard becasue you love her, if i could just encourage you to be strong, love yourself and know this was not your fault what so ever, its her problem not yours!! Just care for your kids and move on with prayer, know you deserve to be treated better then this!! Be around family and friends who can be an encouragement for you during this hard time, things will get better it will just take time!! What ever happens dont ever let her think she can treat you like a door mat, if she wants to work things out then it will be under your conditions, she will have to prove herself once again to you, but if she will not accept those terms then know she will probably do it again and you just need to file for divorce and move on as hard as it will be, believe me you will breath again just give yourself time! Good luck to you and i hope you make all the right choices for you and your kids you guys deserve the best!!
Do you love your kids? If so, you have to put your anger and hate and longing for her aside and be cordial to her for the sake of the kids. It sucks. It’s hard. But it is the right thing to do for their sake.
Let me tell you a story. I know this man who met a woman and fell head over heals for her. He loved her and the daughter she had already. He bought them a house. He married her. She got pregnant. Then she kicked him out. All he did was work, church and family. He loved her and her child and her unborn with all his heart.
He had to fight to get visitation with his own child once she was born. He still paid her mortgage. He dropped off food at the door. He had a freezer delivered. He left gifts for the children while going to court.
He divorced her. He still loved her more than he was sad or angry. She is the mother of his child. She is the mother of his step child.
He visited his child and took hers along each time he had visitation. He bought equally for both children. She needed things from time to time and he bought them without hesitation. Because if her life was easier, the children’s lives were easier. And he loved his children.
He paid for private school. Took the kids to church. Paid for all their needs. Spent every moment he could with them. And sat through countless holidays or events alongside the mother.
All the while he worked hard. He was not rich. He worked, did the family thing and church. And he prayed every night that she would love him.
His kids became adults. He paid for weddings, down payments on homes, helped them with bills. Sat through more family events with the mom there. Even though through the years she remarried countless times. He still respected her. Never said an unkind word to her or about her. And still had love for her.
He answered every call or emergency of hers. He helped unselfishly. This was unconditional love. To love someone no matter what. To put their needs and happiness first. Unconditional love for his children and his ex.
Did she go back to him? Yes. One day she came to him and admitted her mistakes. That pride had kept her from admitting them sooner. Did he take her back? No. He still loved her. He held her and comforted her. He helped her rebuild her home after a natural disaster. He takes her to dinner along with his children and their husbands and family. He gives love and gets love back. And he realized what he prayed for was not what he needed. All he ever wanted was her to say she was sorry. That the very thing he prayed for happened. Just not the way he thought he needed it to. The way God wanted. She loved him with all her heart now. And treated him as such. They remain great friends today. Spending time together with family and alone. Laughing, enjoying each other. Being there for each other.
Did it hurt him? Does it hurt him? Yes. He has cried. He has hurt. He has asked God why. But he realized that he chose to have a child and to parent a child already here. And though he offered up his love, he could not make someone take it. But he could love them anyway.
His children grew up with loving parents. His children didn’t turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, men, women, anything to escape their lives. They had happy lives. They married loving men because they knew they were loved. They loved their children because they were loved. They loved others because they were loved.
They never had to listen to fighting. No mom is better than dad or dad is better than mom. No being pulled back and forth like ragdolls to prove a point or hurt the ex. Peace. Love. Happiness.
The moral of the story: Love with your whole heart through the pain. Put God first then family then you. You will then get all you need in life. And so will your family.
How down rite cruel of her to do this to you & her own children! How can she even have the nerve to expect you to even be friends w/her after the way she treated you all. You should tell her when she comes back to her senses, acts like a responsible person, then & only then would you even consider having anything to do w/her. She is expecting far too much from you, let alone she doesn’t deserve your kindness of any sort. She no doubt has feelings of guilt, but if that be the reason, rightfully so. Let her live her life w/someone who was willing to be w/her & break up her home. He certainly can’t be any special kind of a person either. Let her guilt eat her alive as she sure deserve it. No responsible person does this to their children & husband after all the yrs. you’ve been together. I’m sure you have your hands full raising two children on your own, but you’ve got to be one good person. Hopefully she’ll wake up one day & realize the big mistake she’s made in her life & in all of your lives. But there’s NO way I could be a friend to someone who did this to me. The more you leave her alone, the more she just might realize what she’s done & come to her senses. I DO wish you all the best…Happy New Year…:)