Question by mike: Ok for my wife to talk to x boyfriend?
I have been married for 11 years now and around 5 months ago I found my wife had been chatting with her x boyfriend, a guy who pleaded, begged, and cried a river for her many times with no luck, and who is now separated from his wife. My wife is of high principles and catholic morals and I trust her but she is a bit naive at times…..I know she wouldn’t cheat on me but it just bothers me that they have been chatting now behind my back for long periods of time and she is telling him her troubles and he is sharing his own as well. After I had told her very nicely that if I were to talk to her about how I felt she is continuing to sneak and chat, innocent?? Maybe then but now she won’t come near me, doesn’t like me touching her, says she “something has changed and she doesn’t know how she feels about me”, says she is “depressed”, worries about losing weight, makes sure she looks great before she leaves the house….I know she isn’t cheating with him because he lives 3000 miles away but it is just the point of the matter and I don’t trust him if anything and what the hell is he doing in our book of marriage, each year is a new chapter and I don’t remember hearing that any X was going to be a part of our marriage, I mean really now, I am not abusive, I am working a lot because my house is threatened by foreclosure and I am really trying to save my house and I just don’t think that she is being supportive of me in any way and instead of helping me and standing by me with my stress levels at 100, I just don’t like anyone that lies to me and especially not my own wife, I mean if she needs to talk to someone besides me then let if be with someone who doesn’t have any alterior motives, like a priest, a nun, a psychologist, or ME… I got really angry when I found out that she had been chatting with him still and since then she has been progressively rebellious towards me for “controlling her” or something but I just want some respect, I wouldn’t, nor have any desire whatsoever to talk to any x of mine and they are out there and I know that if I was to start talking to a couple of the more important ones sparks would even re-ignite sooner or later because love is like hot coals that may cool off but never go out completely and are better off left alone if you know what’s good for your marriage. I am encouraging her to forget the past and help me write this next chapter so we will see where things go, any advice? Do I have the right to ask her not to talk to this guy? It hurts to know that she does and shows me that I may need to put more effort in my marriage and to be more “romantic”, I have failed miserably in this department because of several reasons but no excuses here, I am guilty of trying to survive in a failing economy and have had to try several new business ventures to stay afloat and it has taken a lot of my time. I have to be strong and continue to provide for my family at all costs but I am afraid that my efforts are unappreciated and right now we need to be a team, not enemies….This is my first time posting and I just want to hear a couple words of advice on maybe something I can do to help win her love back and if I am right to tell her in a nice way like I did last night, that if I did it she would definately not like it at all and that if she does it again I will have to leave because it is HIM who I don’t trust, and she says that he’s been giving her advice and consoling her (in other words) and the question I have is what the hell kind of advice is he giving you because your attitude is much worse that it was BEFORE you starting chatting with that SOB. Thanks to all for your time and your advice.
Best answer:
Answer by Latin G
wow, I hope she dosen’t use Facebook.com…….
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
no, its not ok. she is being disrespectful
Ok I’m not that old (23), but I have learned that rarely does anything good come from talking to an ex!! Very rare. An EX is an EXample of what you should never do again..
This question was way too freaking long, so I couldn’t read all of it. You should really shorten it & ask again. You’ll get more responses that way, too. Wish you all the best!
dude, you need to do something FAST. she is having an emotional affair with this guy, and the next step is a real affair, dont think for a second this dude wont fly 3k miles to come see your wife. if he hasnt already. she gets dressed up when leaving all the time. she is becoming aggressive and mad and “depressed” because you are on to her, so this is her reaction. its like when someone gets accused of cheating, they become very defensive and start accusing the other person. your wife is already having an emotional affair, probably a physical affair, she doesnt respect you because she is opening up, which by the way is the first sign a woman wants to have sex with someone, remember when you first started dating women? they would always open up first. she is direspecting you by even talking to her ex about this crap. its okay for woman to talk to exes and dudes, but not dudes that still have feelings for her and want her back and are trying to break your marriage up. if i were you, i would seriously get your finances and property etc situated because a divorce is eminent and you dont want her taking half of your retirement and money and property and sharing it with this other guy shes been cheating on you with. take this as a warning, this is serious.
Hardly anyone will read all that but I will say that if it upsets -you- then you need to say something and ask her stop, and if she doesn’t respect that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and stop seeing him, then you have a bigger problem that the ex.
So she has lied to you but you know that she’s not cheating on you eh?
Now, she gets dolled up to go out w/o you but she’s not cheating eh?
You do realize that there are men out there other than this bloke who lives 3000 miles away.
Also, how do you know he lives so far away?
Lemme guess, she told eh?