Question by Noota Oolah: One more kick at the can on this question then I’m done, what do you think?
I’ve tried asking this question about 5 times but I just can’t get all the factors in. I want to know if you would say something, and what.
Last week I had my husband’s best-friend of 22 years and his wife (who I”m friends with) as house guests. Also their baby, his ADHD daughter and his niece.
The ADHD 12 year old terrorizes my animals and doesn’t respect the rules of my house nor closed doors that protect my pets.
The last time they were here one of my cats peed in the bed they were in, it was cleaned promptly and properly. This time I moved them to a room with a door which also had my bissel hot water extractor and all cleaning supplies in it and asked them to keep the door shut, . The cat peed again.
When it was found I was nursing my baby, I said I’d take care of it in about 5 minutes. They told me they’d do it. They didn’t clean anything, just flipped the mattress (sheet still on) used a baby quilt as a sheet and slept with the same blanket. I didn’t know until they left.
I did tell them that it would be very difficult to ensure that the cat didn’t do this again if they didn’t help me protect the cat from the child. The cat has also peed on the girl which trying to get out of her arms, I didn’t know she dragged it in the bathroom with her.
Best answer:
Answer by PelMel
Well, I wouldn’t want to clean up your cat’s pee if I was a guest. I suggest that next time they stay in a hotel so no one has to worry about it.
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i think that anyone who lives like that is NASTY and i would not have them in my home again.
that’s disgusting!
Next time tell them it would be easier on everyone if they stayed in a hotel nearby. Tell them you enjoy visiting with them, but your animals and your family get too stressed out when guests are about.
I think your cat knows how to hold his/her own!
If you didn’t know before about the little girls’ issues, you do now, and you should have a serious talk with your husband that she’s not welcome in your home. I’ve seen plenty of ADHD in my time, but I’ve never seen it cause someone to be cruel to animals. To me that’s a signal of a bigger psychological issue.
I think your house guests showed little regard for your home. They knew the cat didn’t like them and still ignored your request to closet the door and then they chose not to clean up the mattress. I wouldn’t want any of these people staying in my house again. If they want to visit in the future, you might have to apologize that you don’t have space for houseguests, but there’s a nice Holiday Inn just a couple of miles away.
Simple method: Do not allow them to stay in your house again. My neighbor’s son is a complete terror. He’s been over just to tour the house with his mom and he has NO respect. He just walks in whereever he wants and touches everything, takes things from their place, and gets into whatever he wants. What upsets me is that his mom doesn’t say anything about it! He once started screwing around with dogtags of a friend lost in Iraq!!!!! The mom didn’t care!!
Regardless of the situation, they are guests in your home and they should respect what you say. YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES. PERIOD. My suggestion, do not let them stay again.
your guests were so wrong what they did id hate to c there house theirs and old saying people who stay more than 3months stink like fish i think thats how the saying goes sorry if i was wrong next time they come get them to stay in a motel
It sounds like you really want to confront them on this, and that would be my initial thought too, but it may be best to just nt mention the situation and take measures to ensure that the next time they come into town that they have an alternate place to spend the night.
If you truly cannot hold your tongue on the matter, then I would suggest a very simple mention and leave it at that.
ex: “oh, while I am thinking of it, I noticed how you handled the situation of the cat peeing on the bed, and I just wanted to let you know that I will personally take care of any situation like that in the future. We handle those sort of things differently in my house.”
Then move on to other points of conversation, don’t dwell on it. The guests will get the hint with a minimum of embarrassment or argument.
When it comes to guests in your home, I have always been about pleasing them however on many occasions that just does not work. People can be friends and be unable to exist under the same roof. No one’s fault just different life styles. My parents stay in a hotel when visiting. Our best friends stay in our 5th wheel. Why because everyone realizes it is just easier and more fun for all. The initial conversations were not as tough as I thought because both parties felt the tension.
If you cat is peeing in resopnce to the visitors, then I would reccomend having them stay at a hotel. If they weren’t respectful enough to clean the mess when THEY offered, then I’d be worried how they would treat your other things. I think it’s just rude how they handled the situation, if they weren’t going to clean it proplery then they shoudn’t have offered. All I can say is have them stay at a hotel.
I have read your question all 5 times. It sounds like you are looking for justification to say something to these people. But, they were your guests…..and they are your husband’s life long friends. Any pointed or negative comment WILL have a lasting affect. So, just don’t say anything……. Be the better person and learn from the experience. They must live a distance away or they wouldn’t be spending the night so you don’t have to see them that often. If they do visit again, and your husband wants them as house guests, board the cat at a good cat kennel for the weekend. Or make some other arrangement.
I had house-guests last Thanksgiving, (6) and every one brought a dog! House dogs at that! My mother has a guest suite upstairs and a very timid cat who WOULD NOT deal will with all the dogs. So I confined the cat for the weekend in a small but livable area. He survived, the dogs survived, and everyone had a good time.
When you have guests, you make accommodations for them. If you can’t accommodate them, they need to know that and make other plans.
But sharing upset feelings after the fact will only hurt the friendship. I advise against it.
Best wishes…..:)
After nursing, I would have checked up on them regarding the blanket to make sure everything was changed and clean. Once that was sorted (and if i saw they had only flipped the mattress I woudl have insisted on cleaning it), I would apologize for the animal but explain why the animal is acting in such a way. Ask them politely to keep teh door closed to prevent the cat from coming in, and ask them and their kids to simply leave the cat alone because is having a hard time with guests in the house. I woudln’t put the blame on the children, but just mention it to them that she doesn’t liike being picked up etc.
So am I right to assume the cat only pees when this child is around it?
My suggestion is to buy a door nob w/ a lock. So when they come over you can lock the doors.
As for the 12 year old chances are she doesn’t have (enforced) rules at her house or she isn’t being properly supervised @ your house. I understand this might be a little difficult but you would need to keep her entertained while at your house. Trust me you can make a game of everything. Just keep it constantly changing.
Ppl are very touchy when it comes to their child. So you can tell them before hand or when they visit again if the can keep a closer eye on their daughter ‘for her safety’…and don’t be affraid to ‘correct’ the girl when she is at your house.
She needs to know what is ok & what isn’t. And if her parents aren’t aware then you need to let them know also.
I wouldn’t mention anything at this point. But if this happened again then do have them clean it up and tell them exactly what should be done. Hunker down on your house rules. They will either stop coming over or fall in line. Either or though is not a bad thing.
I think you and you husband should say something. I know it might be hard to talk with them, but if you don’t, the resentment will build to a point that you will say or do something you may regret. Pick a quiet time with only the adults and calmly share you feelings. Let them know how you feel about what happens when they visit. If you talk with them, discuss the matter in a tone of love not anger. You husband needs be apart of the problem solving process since these are his friends.
Wish I knew how your husband feels regarding this matter. If he won’t support your feelings then, that makes the problem very hard to resolve.
The problem needs to be discussed with his friends.
Hope this helped a little.
Well you’ve said what happened, but you didn’t describe how it makes you feel, so I’m going to basee it off of how I would feel.
My husband’s best friend and his family come over to spend the night.
The child (who is the responsibility of the family, not mine) comes into the house and begins to cross my personal boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. I have 4 cats and hate it when people aggrevate them, especially children.
The first thing I would do is what you tried, separating the child and animals. Don’t say “Your child is terrorizing my cat.” Present it so your goal is to keep both parties happy and safe.
I would ask politely if my friend would keep their child out of the room where the cat is because I didn’t want to cause the cat stress or possibly have the child come out injured. (sounds like you did this already)
I would put the litterbox in the room the cat was being kept in as well to encourage peeing in there and not on the bed.
If I was nursing my baby, anything could wait another 5 minutes. I’d insist that it is not their responsibility to clean up after my cat. I don’t have the same cleaning habits as my friends do apparently, because I know that they don’t clean the mess, they cover it up.
There is nothing you can do about what DID happen. But before they are invited over again, you need to talk with your husband and make sure he agrees with you that keeping the cat and child separate is important and that you both agree to discuss this with your friends.
I would say something like, “We really enjoy having you guys over, but next time could you please help keep the child and cat separate? I don’t feel it is my responsibility to tell your child what to do. I’m going to keep my cat in the other room with the door shut. It really bothers me when the cat gets upset so please help by making sure your child knows it is off limits next time.”
If they just plain ole don’t know how to control their child then it would be polite to say one of two things:
“I know it is difficult to keep track of so many things at once. Maybe I’ll think of putting the cat in boarding while you are here next time.” or
“It really bothers me and takes away from the fun of having you guys over when my cat is upset. Do you think we can still visit each other and we can arrange to get you a hotel room while you are here?”
You can’t force them to respect your rules or change how they look after their daughter. But you can request a compromise and at least express your feelings about the situation in a polite way.
I don’t think there’s any polite way to bring this up to the family, as disturbing as it may be. If they are friends, and offered to clean the bed rather than wait, then they should have done so in a better manner than what they did. If they had ANY questions about where to find supplies or what should be done, they should have asked – not just “covered it up” and waited for you to find what they had done later.
With that being said, for the sake of the friendship, you’ll just have to let bygones be bygones, and – if continuing to entertain them as houseguests in the future – you’ll have to be more assertive in being a “good host” and making certain that you clean up the mess. I understand that you wouldn’t have minded cleaning the mess, if they could have waited for a few moments for you to finish the important task at hand. And you’ll just have to be more assertive to make certain, if they are staying in your home, that’s the way things are done in the future.
Additionally, if you ever use a boarding service or have someone else watch your cat in another location when you are on vacation, I might suggest that you make similar arrangements for when this family comes to visit. Sounds like things would be much easier on everyone involved (including your poor kitty!), even if it might be an extra expense.