Question by justme: Please read and offer advice. Long story but girl here that really needs insight on guy problems.?
Long story but PLEASE read and help me – in need of serious help and advice?
My relationship w/this guy is very hard to explain and too long for any of you to read. I will try to make it as short as I can, in January of this year I went on a trip w/my best friend, her husband, her brother and my boyfriend.
I have known her brother for a few years but only casually because when we first met he was married and always thought he was a funny guy but that was it. While we were on this trip we went to a club and my best friends brother “James” and I danced together and that was it sparks flew and since that day we have talked on the phone, hung out and texts daily 11 months later now – yes, I am a bad person, I am still with my boyfriend however I don’t know what to do because I do care for him and don’t want to hurt him I think “James” has been okay with this because prior to our January trip he had recently separated with his wife, I think I am the first girl he has connected with so closely since his x-wife (she left him). Anyhow, lately things have been weird between us (he has told me many times he loves me more than I know if only there was something he could do but I am taken, that his self and his time are for me and that I am always in his heart these things were even said less than 2 weeks ago) He has talked about him and I being together, that he could have me every night, tuck me in at night and cook me my favorite foods, he does still love his X I know that but he has said he feels there is just too much hurt they have done to each other for it to work.
ANYWAY it’s been the longest we have went without talking so tonight we talked and he said the following this of which was via text cause I couldn’t talk on the phone…what do you make of his comments…here is how our conversation went:
Me: sorry missed your call – how are you, haven’t talked to you in awhile anything new?
Him: not really what’s up with you
Me: nothing new, just working getting ready for the holidays, you said something happened this weekend is everything ok?
Him: Yea, everything ok with you?
Me: yeah I’m good, I don’t hear from u much which is ok I know u r busy, I just miss u a little
Him: Well me too I am kind of seeing this girl but not really I am not ready for anything to be honest doesn’t feel right for some reason
Me: well guess it’s good u r dating, y u think it doesn’t feel right, cause you are not ready to move on from your x-wife? and who is the new girl?
Him: Well I’m not dating but she is an old friend, she is nice but in a way woman they don’t feel right now p.s. don’t worry i’m not gay.
Me: wow, i am worried, you say woman don’t feel right ? lol just kidding well sometimes a person just needs time for themselves plus u have boys to focus on and the holidays OH also did you want to hang out Friday w/me & “tom” (my boyfriend since January)
Him: Im not sure please understand I will let you know ok.
Me: Ok, I’m sorry James. And sorry if I had expectations of u that weren’t fair to u considering the situation i never meant to do that in the end I just care and hope to be your friend ok
Him: But u are and always will ok
Me: Ok, thanks. Have a nice night, hope your boys are good and you guys have a great holiday.
If women don’t feel right, how did I feel right for so long as 11 months? I mean I guess I just don’t know what to think, is he including me in the women or what is he saying?
Today I sent him a casual message and he said “hey its great to hear from you” even though we just talk yesterday.I would rather he explain everything to me however since he wont contact me I ask of all of you….how would you take his comments in our conversation either A. he is trying to say with the comments “women don’t feel right now” that I don’t feel right anymore and he has moved on because later when I ask to hang out he says “please understand” understand what? OR B. he is trying to say women don’t feel right due to what we had and he is trying to move on but it’s hard and he would rather have no communication to move on OR what do you think? I have racked my brain and wish he would just tell me so I know…
SOO please help me and try to be nice I know I am being bad to my current man but this is sooooo hard and I don’t know what to think or feel of any of this.
PS me and James have been intimate which makes this all the more complicated and hard. AND today I heard from James sister (she is one of my best friends that his X is 5 months pregnant maybe this is why he is distant but suprised he hasn’t told me this info)
Best answer:
Answer by LT
Divorse can be really hard for people. A lot of insecurities can go through their head. He may have felt something with you but because you were taken, decided that he should move on. Think about it from his perspective, your wife wants to leave you and now you find a girl you really like but she is with someone else. He probably just wants you to understand that he is going through a lot and doesn’t want you to leave him either. That’s just my take from it.
What do you think? Answer below!
