Question by Mr Reliable: Co-worker oversteps the mark with sexual comments. Should I tell my boss or wife?
My project manager has twice made inappropriate comments to me at work. She is about 8 years older than me but looks younger and is in very good shape. She is excelent at her job and very easy to work with. She is very confident and outgoing and regulary flirts with all the men in the office and plays the sexual inuendo word games. I am happy to play along, but love my wife and am very happily married. She openly advertises to everyone that she is in an unhappy marriage and only staying for her children.
The other nite she and I were working back on a deadline and we were the only ones left in the office. We were leaning over her desk looking at a large spreadsheet layed out on the top. We were just finishing up and I had a sore back from leaning for so long and made the comment that the desk was just the wrong height. She told me to stand up. The fork of my pants was just above the height of the desk and she looked directly at my crotch and said ” I dunno, looks like the perfect height for me”. I was a bit shocked and not sure what to say, but before I had a chance to say anything she continued on and said ” Just think, you could bend me right over or lay me out on the table, pin my ankles behind my ears and have me moaning all nite – take your pick”. Then she walked out the door, winked at me and said to have a good weekend.
I hadn’t seen her since then until this afternoon when we both in the lunch room getting a coffee. She acted like nothing had happened and asked about my weekend, my wife and family, where I was at with the project work she needed done. When I got up to leave, she grabbed my by the wrist and said “Did you know, I could drop down on this floor right now and suck your c*ck and no one would know” Then she walked out the door and said “Have a good nite, see you tomorrow”
I have never said anything explicit like that to her.
Nothing will ever happen between me and her cos I love my wife, but I just want to make sure that I am completely covered in case it comes out that she said something and I did nothing about it. If I tell my boss I don’t want to work with her, he’ll want to know why. I also don’t want my wife worrying unnecessarily. What should I say to my project manager? Should I tell my boss or my wife? Should I do anything?
Best answer:
Answer by L B
Are you a man or a mouse. You simply need to tell your project manager that you are not interested in her advances. The reason you have not done that is the same reason she feels able to to abuse you so blatantly and that is because you are interested. If you really love your wife, speak out now.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Nail her.
Say something to her about it in the first instance. Your silence is also agreement. Unless you openly object, she will think it’s okay and continue to do it.
If she doesn’t get the message, then go over her head and speak to a supervisor. Also tell your wife what’s going on too. Keeping her in the loop will give you good support, and should anything backfire, you wife will be aware of what’s going on, and will be able to side with you.
Document the times she has said inappropriate things to you, what she said and when she said it (just in case).
Are you gay? Do her.
You need to report her, you are a victim of sexual harrassment. I would immediatley go to someone above her or human resources and let them know whats going on. And then you could tell your wife and tell her that you immediatley reported it her for sexual harassment. Its best to be honest with everyone. What shes doing is not right. You are a married man.
Avoid her and work hard.Don’t listen what she say just work and show her full ignorance. Also discuss it with you boss and wife because if she told to boss first than it will be bad for you.
Tell her ,you are not interested in any way. If this does not work,see management about her in private. She could make life hard for you.
My husband had a similar incident as your self, he reported it to his manager and she was not fired but suspended with pay. He had to work with her for months and he felt akward through it all and transferred to another department. He told me nothing of this ordeal till after he wad transferred. I honestly felt betrayed that he wouldn’t confide in me something so delicate as this. I started to think if there were other times women threw themselves on to him and if he had done anything to stop them I felt horrible. My point is you should really tell your wife and let her know what’s gong on assure her that women is crazy and has no chance in hell with you and you should really tell that women to stop all her nasty unwanted comments. If she doesn’t stop tell your manager, worst scenerio you will probably be stuck with an akward situation like my husband. Good luck
You said in the first paragraph that you’ve “played along” when she’s made comments. If you tell your boss about the problem she will probably say you “played along” and she didn’t know you were uncomfortable. I would tell your wife and let her know you wouldn’t have an affair.
Dear guy…just speak to the lady first!! You can say in a nice way to begin with.”.Please stop talking to me this way as I don`t want things to become awkward for everyone.If you stop now,that will be the end if it. Then you have given her the chance to see reason. If she has any intelligence she will realize the implication of what you said. [my guess is she will] because she won`t want to lose her job etc..and it can be settled amicably.You must speak up!! I wish you happiness..
talk to ur project manager sometime. somewhere that nobody else can hear you but if she makes any obvious advances other people will see. and tell her that you are happily married and not interested. be nice if you can. and as long as she co-operates and it ends there i see no reason to worry your wife or talk to ur boss. but warn her that if it happens again you will tell the boss. and follow through with it. just because she isn’t happy with her marriage doesn’t mean yours has to be ruined.
good luck/