Question by parrothead: My “wife” does the books. What documents should I make sure I have copies of?
OK…marriage is like a thempark ride, so I usually throw my hands up and screem like a school girl, but now we are riding the “terror of doom”, and I wish to get my pre-court books in order.
She does all the financial stuff. All the banking, savings, insurance, retirement plan, etc.
I want to know what things I should be looking for and not get left out on any of it.
I am not sure if its anything, but I “accidentally” seen a transfer of money from the checking account into an ING Direct account (that I didnt know “we” had).
Any advice and links would be appreciated.
I have access to the file folder, but I really rather ask her to show the documents to me rather than snooping. I kinda also want her to know that I am not going into this ride blindfolded.
re: floridaman…you dont know me, so keep the insults to yourself. I have raised my kids their whole lives by myself. You have no idea the amount of work I do.
She wanted to do the books, and she has done a good job with them..I just need to also be aware of whats there.
Best answer:
Answer by bluebird
Make sure you have your tax records, for 7 years records of your house expenses doctor bills checking and savings information. I would rather be safe than sorry later, get all the things you can thing of.
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I would always keep documents of your bank statements and life insurance. Make sure to watch all withdrawals from your account.
You are in a marriage, you are entitled to see all documents. You need to find out about the ING account, you are entitled to know what it is. You are right, asking her first is the right thing to do. I am sorry about your relationship.
It is time for you to “nut” up and be a man. You do the books. Grow some ballz, will ya?
you are not being snoopy!!!
See everything…if she wants to hide something, she probably will give you a fit or say something. You have a right to know.
Fist of all I would check the checkbook, checks, withdrawals, deposits……..I worked with a CPA firm, and this man brought his books in and said I can not understand why or where my
money is going??? In researching, I saw his wife was pulling out checks from the bottom of the checkbook and got other
check….and made them out to cash and cashed them…..
so it was his wife, who was causing him so much distress.
Don’t know what happened to them. other than he took his
wife off the business account.
Good luck!!
First of all you are so right to be pissed at FloridaMan. In a normal marriage one or the other is good at taking care of the bills. Or one deals with the more investment things (usually the guy) and the woman deals with the more day to day bills as they are usually better at remembering stuff. In my case I deal w. most of it but my wife still has all of the online passwords and such. It is a well known fact that people break up primarily because of money issues.
Obviously this is not the case w. you. It could be that nothing hincky is going on but you should know to protect yourself against the possibilities. Always think worse case scenario just so you know….. even if it is nothing.
So you ask her and things are already rocky. It would cause problems just to ask her directly….. she will say that you don’t trust her. So you need to get info. Find an appropriate time and copy any papers in that folder because a lawyer can figure it out.
ING usually means investments and IRAs and such. If you have been married for less than say 10 years this could be a great vehicle for her to say “its her money”. And since you have no part in the money she will be able to easily claim all sorts of things against you. This will come up in custody as well.
As I said make copies. If you are really on the edge install a key logger to get the passwords if she is doing any of this online. If it was normal I would say just ask her…… but since you ask it is not. You need to get info and then talk to someone who knows how to interpret it all.
Knowing first before acting is the key.
My husband was doing this sort of thing for awhile. I wasn’t sure if it was because he thought financial matters bored me so he didn’t bother mentioning anything, or because he was trying to pull something. So I found a really non-threatening way to ask.
I bought an estate planning journal/book. It has pages to list all of your account numbers and contact information for bank accounts, loan information, investment and retirement accounts, insurance plans, etc. It also has spaces for who has the will, safety deposit boxes, including the location of the keys, funeral plans, everything.
I told him I would never want to have something suddenly happen to me and he would have to pull everything together, when he’s got his hands full trying to support our children and get through the funeral. So he helped me fill out the journal/book. Each year he prepares the taxes and I check the returns against the journal/book to make sure account numbers still match, in case he’s opened up another account and “forgot” to tell me again, or other information that should be good to include. I also ask lots of questions about the tax forms and what’s on them.
He doesn’t hide anything anymore – not sure if it’s because he knows I scrutinize everything and will eventually catch him or because he thinks I’m interested, but it worked without having a confrontation.