Question by Chris H: wife cheated on me, and now another woman is trying to woo me, what should i do?
ok 1st thing is 1st : i have a wife who cheated on me a few weeks ago, one night with the guy at her work during lunch break in a overnight shift. the guy dosnt live here, but they know each other from the place she used to live before she moved here and met me. there were long emotional talks since then, she cant forgive herself but i have.
her and i have been getting along great now, holding and hugs and all that. the last time we had a emotional awkward time was when i found out she was inviting the guy to come over to pick her up. i got upset, i lost it and i had her promise to not have him to come over. well she keeped that promise. the next day my mom called and she said in so many words ” look you need to get out now wile you can, ill help you go back to school”. i was so tired i didnt notice my wife listening in on the conversation. after the conversation she flipped out on me ” you going to listen to your momy?” and all of that. Thats when i held her by the arms and looked at her and said ” look i made my decision, i am wanting to be with you, and going to stick by you, i love you” and thats when i heard the magic words i been wanting to hear ” i love you too”. since then life has been great, she is more open now then ever. and then the guy texted her earlier sunday morning. now i didnt let this bother me because at the time she was ignoring the text, and yet he text back. so earlier about 2 hours ago i finally had the guts to look in her phone. she deleated the inbox but she didnt deleate the sent messages
text 1 : i thought you were mad at me?
text 2 : i was mad at my husband at the time (* mentioning to the fact i asked him not to come over*)
text 3 : I just want to be left alone and think things out on my own with no outside influences from either of you
text 4 : its just way too fast i dont know (* i think he said somthing along the lines of I love you*)
text 5 : i will let you know, but for now i have to worry on other things
she was having a affair, and now she is not shure where to go. Surprisingly i am not mad for a few reasons.1. she has been close to me now more then ever since, wile judging by her text she is pushing him away.we been laughing together,she fell asleep on my lap last
night as we watched movies we been holding each other she has been showing more closeness BUT i know i need to keep my guard up just in case. she has told me that dont beat yourself up, i am still here. Obviously she still has emotions for this guy but she has showned me more, and plus long distance relationships don’t work out due to him living out of town. and besides, i am being hunted too so to speak.
what made me question everything to look in her cell is we made love earlier tonight and she couldnt look at me in the face, and after she was self consence about everything and she had flashbacks.
Now what do i do now? obviously she is pushing him away and being more close to me, she also said there is things she is not ready to tell me now. but she dosnt need to, i already know the truth. and more importantly i am not mad, not even upset, that scares me, why am i not mad?
also since then i have a friend, well was a friend but now she is all like ” i would never do that to you” and since been trying to get me to come over to her place. i am at a vulnerable place right now, and i know 2 wrongs dont make a right. should i try to stay guarded with my wife and try to make things work because it seems like it is so far and keep this other girl in my back pocket just in case? Or should i dump the other girl all together cause it will hurt the healing? or should i say fuck it and just roll with her?
Best answer:
Answer by jevon411
the fact that you’re still with your wife after she cheated on you shows that you are both weak and stupid
What do you think? Answer below!
If you go with this other girl you’ll be making your situation much more complicated than it has to be. If you’re really wanting to make the relationship with your wife work, focus on fixing things with her. I guarantee you that the other girl, along with others, will still be there if you end up getting divorced. In my opinion, it’s better to leave a marriage with no guilt than to leave as a contributing guilty party.
Your question is not “what should I do,”, but “who should I do?”
At this point, opt for an open marriage. You live together, have sex, but do other people whenever you feel like. Ask her about it. I mean, you want to keep her, but don’t trust her. Well, now you don’t have to trust her. Makes it easier on both of you. Laughs all around, until someone gets pregnant anyway.
Obviously you two need some counseling and need to talk this out. I will tell you what a counselor would.. cause i am one. You have a cancer in your marriage – it needs to be cut out. You need to tell her this and that means if she loves you and respects and honor you, she needs to get rid of that guys number and tell him its not cool for them to talk anymore. Just to resist temptation.. Also let her know about this girl at your work and how she has been getting you to come to her house. Tell her your stuck bc she hurt you and you have a chance to do it back to her. You need to also tell her your gonna cut off communication with this girl.
Wow ok, um first off you need to either commit to your relationship with your wife and try or don’t. Your relationship is already greatly strained and if you want it to heal you need to put all your effort there. Adding in other factors such as other people will only extremely complicate things if not doom them altogether.
Having a “revenge affair” or “getting even” never works. Having distractions and temptations around or “in your back pocket” is only working against you. First off you and your wife need to decide whether or not you are gonna make a go of it whole heartily. If you are then she needs to not communicate at all with this man. You need to not communicate with that woman either. BUT if you two decide those are things you are not willing to do then obviously you need to move on because if you two can’t sacrifice that much then you two don’t love each other enough.
Regardless I think if you just come out of a long relationship you need to take time to be on your own. Jumping into another relationship is never a good thing. Give yourself time to sort things out and just breathe.
Chris its clear you love your wife
and would seem to forgive her anything ?
because you just don’t want her to leave you .
You also sound as if your competing with this other guy ?
Your not mad at her because you don’t want to drive her into his arms
But she is confused by your behaviour so give her space
She needs to really decide what she wants
You need her to stay because SHE wants to
As for this woman you have enough problems
Do not add to them
What do you think you’d be more pleased about 30 years from now?
Sit down with your wife and let her know you’ve got something important to talk about. First all tell her you love her. Then let her know you find yourself in a situation that’s somewhat similar to her own situation with that other guy. Let her know all you do know about her situation after you’ve let her know about your own deal. Then simply ask her, “What should we do? I want to know what you think you should do about him, and what you think I should do about her.” Then be quiet and let her talk. If she comes back with one of those “you go first” things then get out a couple of pieces of paper and each of you write down what you’d like done – then exchange what you’ve written.
Good luck, but I wouldn’t just say **** it and roll with her. It eats at you, as it should, too much plus it messes up her ability to really give herself to you — and you know it.
You wife cheated on you, you obviously knew that it would happen again. Why go thru all the emotional dramas of a pretend we still love each other. Your being selfish and denying yourself a better life away from your cheating wife. You should be so grateful that you have a friend, that you can confide in, even tho she wants to be more than a friend. Get out of this cheating marriage, while you still have your sanity.
my opinion is based off the information you give.
how has the other girl treated you in the past? has she ever tried to woo you before your wife cheated on you? if not, she is being a coward. she didn’t come into the relationship until she knew you were down.
if i were you, i would ignore the other girl. someone who really likes and cares about you would want you to be happy, not try to seduce you when you’re vulnerable. imagine what she would try to get away with if you did end up together, and you did something wrong to her? isn’t it reasonable to think she would try to run to another man, just like she’s trying to take you from your wife because the wife cheated on you? or hell, she could even try to seduce another man when he was vulnerable, whether or not you and her were getting along great.
the question isn’t about “the other girl”. it’s about your wife. of course, it will take time for both of you to heal from this ordeal. you need to talk to the wife and see what and who she really wants. “i don’t know” isn’t an answer. she knows who she loves, and it can’t be both of you. apparently she saw something in the other guy that she liked. what was it? she can’t toss you both around. she doesn’t need to have contact with this other guy except for work related issues. if she loves you and wants to work it out, she will agree.
you are now vulnerable and open to new things. if you were truly happy and forgave your wife, you wouldn’t be worrying about having the other girl “just in case”. you would have faith that you both could work it out. you don’t have complete trust. don’t do your wife like this. you would be just as wrong. if the other girl willingly lets you use her “just in case”, then, in my thoughts, she’s a desperate dirty female.
try marriage counseling. it’s just you and your wife now. no one else.