Question by Apple Day: question about my wife …?
wife and i are both in our 20s and she is 27 weeks pregnant .. it was planned and we are both really excited and such .. normally shes very happy/peppy loves to laugh always smiling and even on the worst possible day she will still see the positive and try to give it a good spin
also we live with my in laws (her parents) we moved in w. them in may when her mum was diagnosed w. stage 3 breast cancer (is working well and she starts radiation next week) .. last night i went out to the casino with friends and didn’t come home till 4 .. ate some dinner and went right to sleep .. i know that didn’t thrill her but she didn’t seem to mind too much and she was glad i “relaxed w. the guys” … and i dint know what happened today she just came to my work to drop off some dinner for me (i work 12-10pm 7 days a week) i could tell she was crying before and i asked her what happened and she said just just felt “alone and not safe” (i know she doesn’t like staying at home much w.o me b.c she doesn’t feel “safe” there .. her family is ‘special’ aka not always the nicest) and she started crying again … she just left and she was still weepy .. she didn’t get much sleep last night so do you think its just the hormones from pregnancy and lack of sleep that’s messing with her today or should i be worried about it??
also anything i can do to help her?
Best answer:
Answer by perfectvelvet
I would say it’s both. Hormones definitely increase her reactions to things, but I suspect (and you confirmed) that she doesn’t feel safe there anyway. You should definitely look into getting your own place, despite her mother’s cancer. There are ways she can help without being subjected to people who treat her poorly and frighten her.
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Move out and live on your own you mooch.
Old Guy
She will have ups and downs during preganacy. All you can do is be there for her and support her and prepare to be the best dad ever. You both really love eachother which will make everything alot easier. Plus you haver her parents there to help you out. Dont worry about it its just a excitng at the same time frightening experience for her.
Goodluck to the both of you !
Hormones do play a role, however if my husband had been out until 4, I’d have changed the locks, pregnant or not. That is unacceptable behavior.
She may also feel like she is missing out or being left out. If the only people she has around her are not the nicest she probably feel isolated and yes lonely. Hormones are part of it too, the smallest little thing can make her cry. When you are home, you need to make extra effort to hold her more and help her feel loved and that you are both in this together. If safety is the problem, you may have to look at other options as far as where you live. She has more than just herself to protect now and even if there is no “real” danger it is a stress to her to have to think about whats best for the baby now.
Lawd, Lawd… That’s a very tough situation but she can help without living there. Once her mom goes into remission (prayerfully) your wife needs to leave her fam alone! Hormones or not, they’re bad biz!!!
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It’s probably everything mixed together…. Living with in-laws (or anyone other than your own little family) is hard. Plus her mom has cancer. Plus she’s pregnant. So it’s kind of this perfect storm; she has a lot on her plate. I think what you can do is bring her flowers and chocolates when you get home, give her special attention and just let her vent how she feels. If she doesn’t feel safe you might want to consider moving? I’m not sure about the whole situation, but if her mom isn’t alone it might be better to just live close, not actually with her. WIth the baby coming it probably won’t be that great of a situation for her anyway as she battles cancer.
It is really difficult to live with her Mom now.
Especially with her Mom having breast cancer – it is not as OK as you write.
Also, she is hormonal and upset you went out until 4:00 am.
So, give her a break.
Hold her more and tell her you love her and are proud of her.
Peace.
both but your behavior just gives her ‘special” ammunition to use about you—that you are not a good husband and that you are probably messing around her. Stop going out with the guys and stay close to her–she needs you now more than ever.
awe. that sounds really sweet. hormones do play a part in how she is feeling. it does sound like for whatever the reason she is not feeling her self, could be a combination of you being gone, living with in laws. just try to spend extra time with her, just her not the family. maybe she’s worried about the future, maybe she’s worried about you and her, maybe she’s worried that your losing interest in her because she’s pregnant. (that happens a lot). she can’t drink, so her life is different for her now because of the baby, your is not (at least not yet). you can still continue on as you did before and she has to become a mom now. she will be moody and it is to be expected but don’t let that get between you and her. just keep being sweet and after the baby is born and her hormones even out she will be more like you remember except now she may have lack of sleep, more stress and more responsibility. your life will change. but that doesn’t mean it will be for the worse.
you said it is not safe where you live, maybe she is worried about raising the baby there, and wants to make a better life.
so i guess, yes, i would worry. talk to her. get whatever it is out in the open or maybe it is nothing at all and she just needs extra attention. she is going through a lot or seems to be over whelming. and it is pretty normal.
mom of (2) ages 20 and 19
seems like she just needs you with her. I’m not sure if it’s hormones, cause hormones just make us “more” sad if something is “already” troubling us. To be honest, her mom’s sickness could be the reason why she says that she doesn’t feel safe.. it’s the hardest thing in life to lose your mother, no matter how mean they seem to be sometimes.. I hope your mother-in-law gets well soon, and your wife would not stress about it that much.
If you can take a day off from work and spend it with her somewhere special, I think that would make her happy..
Your wife says she doesn’t feel safe. That alone should tell you what to do. Hormones play a part in her emotional state but women just don’t start feeling unsafe just because they’re pregnant,
Put your wife and her needs FIRST. That’s what mature married men do. She comes before her mother, no matter what.
She can still emotionally support her mother through the cancer treatments but do it from another location.
You shouldn’t be going to casino and be gone so late like that, but i would talk to your wife and see if she wants to move. Ask her if it would make her safer if you moved out of the place. Hormones can have big effects on pregnancy woman.
She’s worried that you’re going to start some bad habits!
Get yourselves your own place and the going to the casino till 4 in the morning to you think that helped her in any way (moron)
Its not good to base all of her problems on what chemicals she can’t help running through her body because what she’s feeling and perceiving are likely to be valid. If her home life is stressful and you’re off running around while she’s stuck in it, of course she’s going to be upset. You need to move out of the in laws house and on your own (which you should have done BEFORE YOU PLANNED TO GET PREGNANT).
Talk with her, Find out what’s wrong and go from there.
Any stress that your wife feels, will definitely affect your baby.
Hormone fluctuations can cause moodiness, but when pregnant, the progesterone often rises & makes the woman feel better.
If the family is causing her to feel bad, you might want to find a happier / less-stressful place for your two to live near her mother, so that she can go over to help out, & yet have a “safe place” to go to when she isn’t needed there! When she is over helping out, she should just walk out & leave if they start being abusive. They have no call to do that—Cancer or not!
Unkindness / angry words actually have a very negative effect on children (including the unborn)! It causes poor brain & emotional development in the long-term. Yes . . . baby’s do absorb their mother’s surroundings while still in the womb. The sound of angry voices, the resulting stress hormones that inundate her blood stream, these all affect the unborn, long-term. . . Babies whose mothers were depressed while carrying them have been shown to be much more likely to be depressed adults. . .
“The Importance of Nurturing Your Child”
– The Role of Synapses
– Nurturing and Potential
http://watchtower.org/e/20041022a/article_02.htm
“Children Deserve to Be Wanted and Loved”
– Mistreatment of Children Takes Many Forms
http://watchtower.org/e/20001208/article_02.htm
“Making Your Pregnancy Safer”
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030108/article_01.htm
I read an article about sunflower seeds for depression that you might want to look up on the web:
“Sunflower Seeds are Answer from Nature to Antidepressant Drugs”
Coconut oil has a lot of benefits for pregnant women, too:
“Virgin Coconut Oil for Pregnant Women”
Congratulations for showing some concern, but I would advise showing a lot more, in part by *always* being home at a reasonable hour (7-8pm, as she needs more sleep now, & she needs to know where you are in order to feel secure enough to get a good rest). Also . . . NEVER leave her home alone with people she does not feel safe around, if at all possibe. That probably left her with the feeling that you don’t care. . . on top of her not feeling safe anyway.
Oh, jeez – your poor wife! Having her first baby, the fear of losing her mother, not being able to spend much quality time with you, the pressure of living with her parents. I don’t even know her, but am really impressed with how she seems to be handling everything. Why are you living with your in-laws? Does her mother need care beyond what she can do herself? I understand completely what she means by feeling “alone and unsafe.” She may be a bit extra sensative because of her condition, but she is completely justified in her feelings. She and this baby should be your number one priorities and doing things right now that “don’t thrill her”….well, it’s kind of selfish and will amplify those insecure feelings she has. You need a break as much as anyone else does, but coming home at 4:00 in the morning was not exactly the most considerate thing you could have done. It probably made her feel pretty unimportant. She really needs a lot of reassurrence and support right now – in fact, I would go overboard with it as much as possible until you guys get in your own place. Being on your own and having that support will give her the security she needs. Caring for her mother – especially if her family is unkind to her – is not what she should being doing right now. If there is anything you can do to relieve her of any of this burden you should. You should take this very seriously as this is not just a “her” thing. You guys are married – you are a team. Ask her what she needs and do it. She sounds like a lovely person. You don’t want to lose her happiness if there’s anything you can do to help.
Good luck!
Try not staying out til 4 am- you’re married, that sh*t is supposed to stop! Would you be OK with it if your wife was out til that hour?
Didn’t think so.
I think you should give her more time and love, and stop going out like a single guy, even she tells you is ok, is not. How would u feel pregnant and home alone until 4 am, if she was out?
You should ask her not a bunch of strangers. BTW if your mother had cancer you would probably need support. Think about it. You going out all night isn’t helping your wife at all.
There’s your sign….
Its hormones from pregnancy. just let her know how much you love her.
pray