Question by Joey: Should I divorce my wife?
I recently got back from a mission in Zimbabwe. (Believe it or not, there are a few areas not controlled by President Mugabe that are open for doctors and missionaries.)
My wife–we can call her that for now–is a teacher at a local high school in North Carolina. Growing up I studied medicine in Puerto Rico, where my father was stationed, and, consequently, find more work in foreign countries rather than in America where domestically trained doctors get the best offers.
But back to my complaint: My wife had a baby when I got back (we had no communication while I was over there). The baby is black and I’m not black. I’m Puerto Rican-Irish. My father is Irish and my mother is Puerto Rican. The baby looks nothing like me and is very, very, very black. So, naturally, this led me to some interrogation.
Fact #1: I left ten months ago. She wasn’t pregnant when I left.
Fact #2: The baby is only one month old–this was confirmed by the OBGYN.
Fact #3: She has agreed that I didn’t naturally impregnate her, and that she went to the sperm bank (where I kept semen) when she believed I “might be dead” since she “couldn’t contact me”.
Fact #4: She has a history of dating black men in the past.
Does she sound believable? I understand that she could have gone to the sperm bank, could have had a completely black baby with my genetic code (though this is rare), and could have believed I had been killed by some rogue group in Africa, but this seems very far-fetched.
We’re not living together right now. I want an opinon on whether or not she is lying. I hope a woman in the Yahoo Answers can interpret closely my problem and tell me just what’s going on in my wife’s head.
Best answer:
Answer by Bob D
get a real good lawyer
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
I would insist on a paternity test to clear you as the father. Then contact a lawyer for a divorce.
IMO she’s cheated on you and unless she can prove all the allegations about the sperm bank, etc., then she’s slept with a black guy and got pregnant by him.
Sorry you came home to a mess and an unfaithful wife!
You abandoned your wife and now you are upset that she may have cheated on you? What…there’s no postal service in Africa? You couldn’t have dropped her a letter, driving to the nearest phone and called at least once?
Divorce! Or get a paternity test. That way you could go through the divorce feeling confident that you did the right thing for the right reasons. You’re probably a very compassionate person because that sounds like the kind of story a woman would tell a man who she thought would be a pushover and just say “Okay, I believe you” I wouldn’t let her get away with that without a paternity test!
Jack, you need to be peed on, it will fix it all.
It’s up to you whether you divorce her or not. But from your description, there is no way that baby is yours. You know you can get a DNA test at drug stores now, to be sure. She sounds like a lying sack of excrement to me.
Only one way to know for sure…………..a DNA test. The circumstances do appear very suspicious. This is something you want determined while the child is still an infant. If she objects, you should insist. If she adamantly objects file for divorce and then you can force her to have the test. I hope she agrees, the baby is yours and you all three live happily ever after. But if I were you I would not live with this reasonable doubt hanging over my head. Why were you gone for a year with no communication? There is no excuse for that so you played your part in this scenario.
Thats a tough situation your in.
If you suspect she is cheating on you, you should question her and see what she says. If the child doesn’t look anything like you, maybe there is a chance she did. Talk to her. Why would she potentially cheat on you? Is there something in your relationship that is missing and she has to fill it in with another guy?
Divorce is the last thing you should do. Its the “last move” in desperation as on could say. Talk to her and try to see what she is thinking.
Good Luck!
a paternity test is the way to solve all questions.
Although, why was it that you were missing for such a long time that she assumed you were dead? That doesn’t speak very highly of your relationship my friend.
Paternity test!!!!!!!
Honestly, this entire situation depends on your relationship before you left to go overseas. I do think it’s weird that you left for overseas without having any sort of contact with her the entire time you were gone-you were gone for almost a year and didn’t talk to her the whole time? That sounds like you guys might have had some serious problems when you left anyway because my fiance leaves for the day and we talk a million times. To be perfectly honest, that’s the weirdest part of this whole story to me that you had no contact with your wife for almost a year.
Based on the information you gave, I personally think she’s lying and she had an affair-if she went to a sperm bank where you kept semen and used yours, the baby wouldn’t be black. Also, if she didn’t use your semen for some reason, wouldn’t she want her baby to be as close to your nationality as possible by selecting a donor with certain characteristics that are close to yours? You can probably figure out which sperm bank she went to and see if there are records of her going there (I’m not sure what the law is about anonymity) to see if she’s telling the truth.
Before you left, did you guys have problems or was your relationship good? If you had issues with honesty and cheating and communication before you left, I would think she had an affair. But, if you guys had a great relationship and were open and honest with one another, she might be telling the truth. I think that you truly believe she’s lying or else you wouldn’t be so conflicted about it-listen to what your heart is telling you because you know your wife better than anyone from Yahoo Answers and you know if she’s capable of cheating or not.
I’d get a paternity test. Her story sounds like BS to me.
You certainly have plenty of valid reasons to be suspicious. Request that your wife let the baby take a DNA test. If you’re wrong it will take some years to mend your distrust for her, but I think it will be worth it.
Vamos amigo tu eres Puertorro primero que nada!! has que hagan la prueba de ADN para salir de dudas luego no importa el resultado inicia el proceso de divorcio. no esperes que ella lo haga primero.
She thought that you were dead and started screwing a black guy in your absence. Well, wait a minute sounds like she had a conjugal visit as soon as you were wheels up.
Get a paternity test and a good lawyer.
Well honestly things don’t seem to add up to me, but why would she run out and get pregnant after only a month after you left. After one month of no contact she thought you were dead??? That doesn’t make since. If you came back and she was a few months pregnant and a few months past with no contact she may have reason to think you were dead. Rather than questioning your self about the child, if she is 100% about using a sperm bank get a DNA done. She may be a little upset but honestly if she loves you she should be understanding and see your side of questioning the child..
Good luck and don’t distant your self from the child. If he/she is yours your going to regret not starting or having a relationship with the child.
Do you both love each other? If so nothing else really does matter, does it. If she is not inlove with someone else, then why go through the mess of divorce. I suspect she got very lonely and I certainly can relate to that. Stop playing the blame game and making excuses to be the victim here. This baby needs a daddy and from where I am sitting you are it. The only one that will get seriously hurt by this is the “little one”. If you are a decent, caring, loving and forgiving husband then understand this is two sided, not one. You have a family to love. You are a daddy. What more could anyone ask for.
Get a paternity test and go from there. Oh, and a lawyer.
Wow! This is just my opinion of the situation:
I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your wife’s mouth. So, she got pregnant about a month or two after you left? Having a baby takes some planning and why would any wife just take it upon herself to make a baby without consenting her husband especially if it’s his sperm (supposedly). And why would she assume you were dead in just a month? And why would any normal woman want to have a baby when she thought the father was already dead? Truthfully, if I thought my husband was dead, my first response if any was to let go and move on, not go to the sperm bank and have his baby to remember him by! I think she’s a horrible liar and not very bright to even think of something so ridiculous.
I’d suggest you guys to get a DNA test. Cause if, it’s really not your baby, then it would be very hard for your marriage to survive this kind of hit, especially when you have to look at it everyday. Good luck!
1) Get a DNA test to confirm paternity. That’s a no brainer.
2) If it’s not yours she will just say there was a mix up at the bank so be prepared to accept it or not, but get real with yourself.
3) Why in God’s name would she think you were dead? I have done missions work in Africa as well, and I made sure I wrote letters home to my family. On occasion we even made it into town to a kiosk to send an email…so what gives with that?
4) Honestly woman to man….i think she cheated on you and you are looking at her and someone else’s baby. Sorry.
Being a doctor, myself, I can tell you exactly what happened. Upon your extended absence from home, your wife did indeed fear that you were dead. In her grief, she more than likely laid in bed and cried for many days. While there, your dried semen (which was embedded in the fabric of the sheets), mixed with her tears and became potent again, working its way into her womb as she tossed and turned. Your wife became impregnated while wallowing in her own grief in your bed.
The next morning, she woke up, unaware of her impregnated state, and went to your sperm bank with the intention of having a child in your honor. There, reverting to her comfort zone, she selected sperm from a black man. That sperm joined with the zygote in her uterus, in an unusual genetic union. Thus, she now has a baby with your DNA, but with black skin.
This is very rare, but medically possible with verile Puerto Rican sperm. However, this phenomenon has not been documented in Zimbabwe. So, it is not a surprise that you are not aware of it, given your specific training.
it seems that she has cheated on you and she didn’t wait long for you to go overseas to do so! Her story sounds far fetch though, regardless if you did have semen kept at a sperm bank. She just thought that was a good enough story so you wouldn’t think twice, that is after she accidentally got pregnant by another man. My husband was gone for a month without communications (he’s in Iraq with the military) but I didn’t go out and think the worse and do that type of crap behind his back.
BUT to give her the benefit of the doubt, I would request a paternity test, for “just in case”.