Question by Fred Y: Should I take my wife back once she cheated on me?.?
My wife admitted she has been cheating on me. She told me the reason she cheated was because I was busy working all the time. and she no longer felt sexy and beautiful. She was desperately in need of other men’s approval. I am devastated, but there is no way I can be with a cheater, so I packed my belongings and left. Five days after the “divorce” talk, she wanted me back. Her willingness of “working things out” left me speechless. I understand the fact that woman needs to be admired, respected, loved, spoiled at all time, and I believe I have done a very decent job. I have never stopped sending her flowers, and I have never stopped telling her she’s the most beautiful woman in the world even though she has gained 60 – 70lbs in the past 7 months. I told her, one man can never satisfy you, I am out, there are lots suckers out there, I am sure you can find one, I am too good for you. and she accused me “not fighting for her.” She showed me (without me asking) her emails to the man whom
she cheated on me with, in the email, she was asking him to give her commitment, but the man refused. She broke down and told me she realized she made a huge mistake. I still am in love with my wife, it is very hard to walk out on her completely. But it hurts me so bad thinking about her shares intimate moments with another man. I am just wondering if I indeed made a right decision by leaving, or should I give her another chance?
Best answer:
Answer by Schwinn
It seems that she cheated on you and is blaming you for it. Why would you want her back? She isn’t even taking responsibility for what she has done.
Try the website I put below. They have message boards and there are people there who have experience infidelity that can advise you.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Good luck.
Give your answer to this question below!
jump ship, she gain 60-70lbs in 7 months, run and start over. she cheated on you, reason enough! its a classic story and she will do it again.
Excuses, excuses, blame you, blah blah blah etc etc.
She cheated on you an knew what she was doing.
Give her an ultimatum, either
She begs forgiveness and promises to never cheat again
or
Kick her to the kerb now and never take her back.
Depends on how much you love her, if you truely do, then you ought to at least think about trying to work things out between the both of you, if you don’t, then your going to have to think about moving on with your life. You need to look deep into your heart and feelings, she should at least get rid of the emails, if she wants you back, then she needs to get rid of stuff like that.
NEVER EVER EVER give a cheater a second chance to cheat. It is guaranteed and written in stone that she will repeat his behavior and she made up an EXCUSES about not getting enough attention and you working all the time, that is total BS invented by her to deflect the onus away from herself. SHE is the one who cheated not you and she is the only one to blame. DO NOT go back to her; she is using you and will continue to use and hurt you if you allow her to; the best thing you can do for yourself (and for her, she needs to learn there are consequences for bad behavior and choices) is to divorce her and cut off all contact with her. You need to find an HONEST woman who will love you and only you and whom you can trust, this one is NOT a keeper, throw her back.
yes, you did the right thing. the right thing is always hard to do. I just want to point out that this is HER problem to deal with. She needs to work on why she feels the need to get approval or attention from other men. It sounds like she suffers from low self esteem and she’s trying to blame you for her unfaithfulness. Ask her what it is that you could have done to make her feel more special. Problem is, you should only take her back if you can accept what she’s done and you realize that it will more than likely happen again. You don’t deserve that. Personally, I think that she wants you back because it didn’t work out with this other guy and she’s afraid to be alone.
Remember, you can only control your actions. You can choose to walk away and find someone who is more suitable for you or you can stay and try to fix things. But it doesn’t sound like you need to fix anything. It’s mostly her. She needs to fix her low self esteem, etc. I am sorry that it happened to you and you got hurt. I hope everything works out for the best.
sounds like her plan fell through so she’s using you as a fall back. cut her loose and find someone else.
tell her to get the hell out of your life.
Hmmmmm, I don’t know for sure, that’s a toughie, I’m more of a ‘hard-azz’ than you. (The 60/70lbs weight gain, would have had me ‘gone’ long ago)
If the FACT that she had asked the Guy for “Committment” leads me to believe ‘if’ he had said yes, she mostlikely would have left you for Him.
She cheated once already……which doesn’t bode well for the future. How she could do that with a husband as good as you have apparently been, is beyond me. You were working hard to support her, and this is the thanks you get? I think you are doing well in moving on with your life, don’t look back.
I wouldn’t waste my time with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She was ready to leave your butt when she asked him for a committment and he refused, you’re just the second choice, the runner up, she will never be true to you again. Have alittle bit more respect for yourself and leave her and find someone who has morals, knows and practices the meaning of loyalty, committment, fidelity!!
The other man doesn’t want her that’s why she wants you back.
Cut her loose… she is not worth it!
Didn’t you recently post another question about her doing this because she gained weight?
So you are considering taking back a woman who thinks so little of herself and your marriage….What will you benefit from this?
You need to shed yourself of this loser…
You deserve better!
You could do nothing better than to forgive.
Your marriage will be stronger, assuming that both of you are capable of working out this situation.
You DO need professional help. Locate a counselor, and get BOTH of you in there right away.
BTW: Both of you should have the doctor perform an STD panel. . . .
lucky dude if you asked me,…..I am still in love wiht my wife…filed for divorce and everythiung..got the kids and the house…she still is out thre cheating…I really wish she would try to come back…it has devastated my kids and my heart. It sounds like she is genuine bro….as long as both of you are willing…you can overcome this. You need to get counseling and try…it soudn s like she is for real here bro…its not like she cheated and had no regard for your feelings and left like my wife. a marraige is always worth a second try bro…its sacred and secure…life out there is rough…
I think you made the right decision – she wants you back because her lover just wanted to tap her ass and didn’t actually want a relationship with her.
She’s not committed to making it work. If you both are, it can be fixed, but I don’t see it.
Any couple trying to get over cheating, you need more then promises to do better. It requires forgiveness, and an honest open look by BOTH partners at how the relationship got to that point. If both, or even one, just keeps doing what they did before, you’ll end up with the same result.
I have found that men have a harder time forgiving a woman, then woman have forgiving. While we think about how much we love you guys and you made a mistake, you think about us giving away something that was yours. And while men mostly cheat for physical reasons and women for emotional, a woman’s cheating is more deceitful. And you said yourself she wanted to be with this person, she showed you the emails. So do really want her back knowing she persuaded a relationship with another man and he may not be fully out of the picture. Look at it like this, have you done all of your responsibilities as a husband and she still cheated? If the answer to that is yes, then you deserve better. Even if you slacked in some areas, you still deserve better. Good luck
If the other man would hav egiven her commitment, she would have left you first. Do the math…
You got married for better or worse. If you leave your taking the easy way out. Get into counseling, trust me it’s easier to forgive than to forget, and she is going to have to work her a** off to get you to trust her again. If you love her try and make it work. The flower thing, I hope your not sending them on the flower holidays. Women want flowers because it’s Tuesday and it’s a surprise, not because it’s Valentines day.
Good luck.
This is from a woman who’s H took me for granted including obstaining from sex, verbally and mentally abusing me because of the stresses of his work. My question 2 you, are there children involved? R you being totally honest, did U indeed send her flowers and tell her she was beautiful among other signs of encouragement from U? Not just on Valentines day either. What she did was wrong but it sounds like she was depressed and lonely. It was still NOT RIGHT. The weight gain of that kind makes women very depressed. My advice, if there are no children, do not take her back, split for a long time if she’s willing to see if she is being honest about her love 2 you. If there are kids, try if you can to forgive, with time see if she’s committed. I’m a woman and from what you say it sounds like IF this guy would have committed to her that she would have left you in the dust . . . do you want to spend your married life with her possibly knowing you were her second choice? seperation and council may help you two become closer again if you are willing. Dont rush into a D yet, that’s so final. The ball is in your court. Good guys are hard to find, trust me. Goodluck.
Hey bro sorry to hear about that, I recently went through the same thing my wife cheated on me and i took her back then it happened again and again after the 4th or 5th time i finally gave up all hope…
like the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater.
The quicker you get away the easier it will be for your heart.
As much as I hate to say it…I just bring up the fact that she showed you emails of her asking this man for a comittment…if he had done that…Where would she be? If that door wasn’t “closed” on her, would she be in THAT room right now? When a spouse cheats, it doesn’t matter WHAT reason they give to try to justify their cheating, its still that, a betrayal of vows they PROMISED. No one forces a person to cheat, they don’t do that by accident. It takes some doing to have that happen. At this point she is just trying to back paddle. I think you did the right thing myself. If you take back a cheater that was dead set on really LEAVING, but that planned failed…your leaving a rotating door for it to happen again. Your working hard is no reason for her to fool around. The day you truly believe that is the day you’ve lost all self-respect. I feel bad for you…and I wish you a wonderful happy life ahead of you with a wonderful Lady. Just please do not set yourself up for continued heartbreak. Take care.
Next time give the girl more attention. Perhaps your body was there but you ignored your family…. Still not a reason to cheat, she should’ve told you to give her more attention, which she proably did but you never listened. It also sounds like she couldn’t get the other guy so she wants her old life back, hopefully she learned her lesson. Oh, and you are not fighting for her, she should have fought for her marriage when this guy was emailing her. This isn’t high school this is about a marriage not some boyfriend this is her husband. She made a vow to honor and cherish you or was that only for convience?
Why Do So Many Men Choose To Stay?
Posted July 2nd, 2011 at 12:25PM
I obtained this following post from internet’s EXPERIENCE PROJECT “I hate my wife”. Yet take the writer’s feelings as my own. Hence my meager additions of sentence structure, accent, spelling and grammatical correction etc. to some of it. While honestly I fail to understand why these below sentiments don’t’ reflect those of all men? Well perhaps it’s because by the evidence furnished from the majority of posters at these sites the term “men” might actually not apply. That instead feasibly CUCKOLDED W**PS is more applicable.
FACE it She treats you like s**t. She’s cheating and has another man in her bed and refuses to have s*x with you. She is bankrupting you.
Worst of all? You don’t even like her that much.
All of these stories have the same recurring elements. Men who are trapped in miserable soul-draining relationships with screaming demon harpies . . . And yet they do not post stories talking about HOW THEY JUST MOVED OUT. Or how THEY’VE ALREADY GOTTEN LAWYERS DRAWING UP THE PAPERWORK. They JUST COMPLAIN THAT THEY ARE MISERABLE. Then log off and go back downstairs where their wifey continues to berate or place the blame on them.
[Just a reminder that although the author’s sentiments reflect mine, the following happened to him, not me.]
“I understand. I used to be that guy myself. I was in a hellishly miserable relationship for 10 solid years. An evil, belittling ***** of a wife who I wasn’t even physically attracted to anymore. I sat passively by utterly impotent to take control of my life and then one day I was watching an old movie on TV. It was Steve McQueen’s classic “Bullitt.” Then the very next movie after that was Steve McQueen’s “The Thomas Crown Affair.” In both movies I GOT TO SEE HOW A REAL MAN ACTS. Let me illustrate, as in say comparing the original Steve McQueen “Tomas Crown Affair” with the remake. When Pierce Brosnen [in McQueen’s role] says to Rene Russo (replacing Faye Dunaway from the original), “So, shall we see which one of us wins this thing?” IT REFLECTS WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MEN TODAY! I mean in the ORIGINAL our man Steve WOULD NEVER have let those words fleck from his lips because there’s absolutely NO DOUBT IN HIS MIND THAT HE’S GONNA WIN, he’s GONNA GET THE LADY and he’s GONNA SPIN DIRT IN EVERYBODY ELSE’S FACES while he’s doing it. While not once in any of those McQueen movies did I see a nebbish, beaten, wimpy guy, meekly staring at the ground while some woman screamed at him and called him a pathetic loser.
The reason so many men are trapped in miserable relationships is because they’ve been conditioned to be submissive and fearful. You’re programmed for defeat.
EGE:
“What if I lose my nice house and have to live in a (gulp) one bedroom apartment!”
“What if I don’t have s*x again?”
Answer: YOU’RE NOT HAVING S*X NOW! None of us in miserable relationships ever post and write the following: “Guys! My wife is a smoking hot super model and we have intense tantric s*x three times a day! But sometimes I feel like there is an emotional distance between us.” No, no one posts that here.
So you’re not getting l**d now. You CAN leave your wife because again YOU’RE NOT GETTING L**D NOW!
But my house?
You CAN leave your wife because what good is your beautifully appointed McMansion if YOU’RE FEELING SUICIDAL LIVING IN IT with her. Huh???
“But what about my kids?”
YOU’RE ABUSING YOUR KIDS by staying with your wife. They ARE WATCHING EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO and (a) you’re making them miserable because they know that BOTH of you are miserable (b) they are being given the CLEAR MESSAGE that MEN AREN’T WORTH TREATING WITH RESPECT because your wife obviously doesn’t treat you with anything but contempt (c) Your being miserable is COMPROMISING YOUR ABILITY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE ROLE MODEL FOR your kids. The two of you living in the same house is not enough. YOU CAN BE A BETTER FATHER IF YOU MOVE OUT AND GET AWAY FROM HER.
We all need to “MAN UP” and get divorces (technically, I already did. Best decision I ever made and ALL my fears about how horrible life would be without my wife were proven wrong). HAVING MONEY AND BEING MISERABLE IS POINTLESS — so stop using the “She’ll take all my money in alimony and child support” excuse. I mean think about it: She’s ALREADY taking all your money in the form of support, house and car payments. And aren’t you already paying child support? You’re feeding and clothing your kids aren’t you? So of course you are! So nothing changes there does it!? . . . While meanwhile what are you getting in return FOR HANDING OVER YOUR ENTIRE PAYCHECK?? Wild s*x with a super model? No, you hand over your entire check every week and then she rolls her eyes in disgust when you ask if you could maybe,.sorta have s*x with her. Then she mentally makes a note to see her extracurricular lover ASAP.
Men in previous decades didn’t have this problem. If a woman treated them with pure contempt, cheated on them, refused to have s*x with them, stole all their money, etc.THEY WOULD LEAVE THEM!
So now ask yourself: what is the point of staying with her? Anyone?
Movie: Along came Polly
Ben Stiller(Rueben)/Debra Messing(Lisa)/Jennifer Aniston(Polly)/ Philip Seymour Hoffman (Sandy)
Lisa:
So, Reuby, we’re gonna grab a bite after your work thingamajigy?
Rueben:
No, Lisa. I shouldn’t have asked you to come down here. I’m not getting back together with you.
Lisa:
What are you talking about? W-Why? Why?
Rueben:
You screwed a scuba diving instructor on our honeymoon. I mean, what kind
of cold, heartless bitch would do that to someone they love? . . . I’d have to be an idiot to get back together with you after that. Oh, and by the way,
I destroyed all your little throw pillows. Yeah, because throw pillows suck, okay? They serve no purpose. They’re purely decorative.
Sandy:
Dude, that was incredible.
bravissimo