Question by Dudet: Thin line between friendship and flirting when your married? Or is it a thick line?
I have been married for 7 years now. So to get to my point here. I have had a friend that I have known for four years, and she has been married to this guy for I would stay about 2 years. They have stayed with me while (6 months total)they were having tough times. We are all friends. I mean we hang out cause they are the only ones who have kids too, it’s very easy for us to just chill out and let our kids play together. Now I can tell you that we did get a little (all of us, including my husband) crazy one night when the kids were sleep and played strip truth or dare. We have basically all seen each other naked. Which was over 6 months ago. Things have been cool with all of us. I mean I didnt really see anything more than just my friends. Until about a month ago. When my friends husband and I are alone thing are weird. Yes alone, cause I watch her kids and he comes home for lunch, and to take over for me. We were wresling, and just talking smack back and forth. But it felt like flirting we have never done that before. well talk smack a little bit. But the physical contact on his bed, just wresling though. Then he asked me are you even wearing a bra? I was and I told him yes, then I showed him the strap. He said I know that you dont’ find me sexually attractive, but look at this.. which he showed me his uniform. He asked how did he look, I said okay. when I left that day he was looking at me funny. Like staring at me. He is not attractive toi me at all. I do enjoy his company though. Then another day he was texting me at like midnight, and just being playful. Then when calls, I didnt think anything of it until I realized that he will ask for me when he could just talk to my husband. When I give him rides to the store or something like that he will pick on his wife, poke fun at her for the crazy crap she does with her self. Like dye her hair. ?Or get piercings. We have a luagh cause I am not that type of girl and we can realte to each other on how we think it’s nuts! He help my set up my playlist and I messaged him, thank you. He waits until my husband goes up stairs to say, your welcome for setting up the playlist. That was the next day when he came over. Last week i let him use my car (it’s a normal thing by the way, this give and take friendship, they watch all 3 kids for us in exchange for things like rides and borrowing the car overnight cause we are sleeping and he needs it) any way let him use my car, when he was dropping me off I asked him how do I look, he said good, but I can’t look at you from the neck down. Haha. I was wearing a low cut shirt to go see my husband. Then when we got out I said well are you sure I look okay? Not like I had anyone else who I could ask that would give me an honest opinon. He said yes and just to prove it do you want me to smack your ass? And he did. Then he said before he left “just dont tell your husband”. Okay this is weird, but we haven’t been telling our spouses everything we do or talk about lately. Like wrestling, or a smack on the ass. But I dont get it. The other morning he was over at like the crack of dawn giving me back my car, with his friend. My husband was sleep upstairs his choice not to answer the door cause he was tired he sent me to, and we were just talking a bit. He said that his wife is so annoying sometimes he wants to smack her, just don’t tell my wife I said that. And I replyed if we told our spouses about everything , they would be upset. I don’t know why I felt the need to kind of check to see if I am just making this more then it is. He said your right. Then gave me a half hug. I wondered, is it cause his friends here that it wasn’t a full hug or am I just crazy. He proceeds to tell his friend that I am the only chick he can have a real conversation with, I make him laugh, and I am nothing like his wife who tends to whine and be annoying, I make him feel better. Before he leaves he gives me another half hug. Okay everyone, what do you think, do you think that I am going nut here or is it just friends being friends. I mean seriously I am so confused right now. I don’t know if I should just like try to stop talking to them or just be me. Is there a thin line with flirting when your are married or is it a think one.
I am a bit of a tomboy so I wrestle with my husband a for fun, he knows that. It’s normal for me to be in their bedroom, it’s the place we normal chill out. They don’t live with me anymore.The things this guy says about his wife are true and funny so it doesn’t bother me. And the biggest thing here, things got crazy one night with a few drinks, we haven’t done it since then and none of us are swingers. That;s why I state it got crazy. Drinks can do that to you. Don’t plan to do it again.
Best answer:
Answer by Jeremy F
sounds like he likes you. In my opinion, the wrestling stuff shouldn’t happen. He probably got the wrong idea from that.
What do you think? Answer below!
your story has TOO many LINES
Too many details dear.
If you are doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your husband–then you are doing something wrong.
That’s all you need to remember.
You crossed the line of “friends” when you were wrestling this man on his bed.
Flip the script, imagine if it were your husband & his wife.
Stop it and stop it now if you want your marriage to last and give it 100%. Each time you hang out with this guy and don’t tell your husband, you are taking away from your marriage.
Great Wall of Text -> TLDR.
*P*A*R*A*G*R*A*P*H*S*
Sounds like you owe your husband a three-way though (the F²M kind).
I think you need to leave Arkansas at once!
I know of couples where they actually enjoy flirting with others behind their backs..because they think the same partner is boring all the time. The only rule they have is they must have consensual sex, and get tested for STDs.
But in other cases, I guess it’s okay to let your emotions run high with other people, but just don’t have sex with them if you know your spouse won’t approve of it.
I read to the part where you said you were wrestling with somebody elses husband and you had seen eachother naked before.
you were flirting and i wouldnt be surprised if you two end up phucking in about a week. Theres a definite and thick line. geez, how old are you? playing strip poker with your kids asleep….
Ps nobody likes to read these books people like you like to post, keep it short and simple.
There’s a thick line, unfortunately. It’s really od that you have adopted this swingers’ life style. Change it if you want your marriage to stay together, and for your kids’ sake, if anything.
You and this guy have gone too far. You need to set some guidelines with this guy before things really get too touchable! Believe me your spouses will begin to notice. I do not think this is good for two married couples to live together once things get out of hand like they have. You need to put some distance between you two.
He’s not just flirting, he’s putting down his wife in front of you. It’s odd to me that you allow him to speak badly of a woman you say is your friend. Why aren’t his comments about his wife making you angry if she’s your friend?
He wants to cheat on his wife (your friend) and have sex with you, and if you can’t see that, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
swingers!! married couples dont play like that with eachother.. that’s weird.. you’re weird and your friends are weird.. what business do you have wrestling with him.. for sakes he’s your friend’s husband..
i think you have a thing for him but cant admit it
weridos
First, please acquaint yourself with the “enter” function, which creates a paragraph break.
Second, you are really playing with fire.
Third, it started with your truth or dare game. Couples with young kids should not be doing this sort of thing, for reasons that are obvious. There’s no thin line here at all – it’s very black and white and you guys crossed over early on.
Wow it seems the welcome mat has worn out…Get then out before this becomes a problem with you and your husband…
first u are married
second u are flirting with this man u dont find attractive sounds like u wanna get laid.
i didn’t read all of this…sorry.
my opinion though? you are playing with fire. stop it now.
REAL simple! If you want to sleep with this guy, he’s giving you every indication that he is completely fine cheating on his wife as well as you cheating on your husband.
If you want this to stop and remain a friendship only (meaning you also preserve the friendship with your husband and his wife), then you need to be straight and forward with him and tell him where you stand, because he IS looking for the next step, …taking the relationship you have with him up to the next level. Put an end to it now, or suffer the loss of his, his wife’s friendship and possibly both your marriages.
It sounds Like U or better jet your husband should ask him to move out and U should stay away from him or stop playing with him, cause he thinks U R lead in him on that is if U don’t want problems in the future
Only you and your husband can determine if you and your male friend “crossed the line”. I think the fact that you are keeping this a secret from your hubby is the only thing you’ve really done wrong. When you are deciding whether or not to continue interacting with this couple I think you should ask a few questions of yourself first. Are you comfortable with the situation? Would you be comfortable if your husband had this kind of dynamic in a friendship with another woman? If the answer to either of those questions is no then you should stop interacting with these people. I think regardless you should probably tell your husband what has happened between you two. If you stop interacting with two close friends someone is bound to bring up why you guys fell out of touch. Better for your hubby to hear the truth from you without you being backed into a corner about it. If this is something you are comfortable with I guess the next step would be finding out how your husband feels about things. If he’s not threatened then lay some ground rules about what forms of flirting are acceptable and what are not. Just imo your male “friend” sounds like a douche nozzle… he puts his wife down and asks you to keep secrets from both his wife and your husband. I think he has every intention of cheating on her with you if you allow it. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong though aside from keeping this from your husband and his wife, if she is in fact your friend too. If you value your marriage then this situation is on the verge of disaster, but it’s not too late to fix things. Good luck sorting things out.
You asked a long question, so here’s a long answer:
You and your husband and your friend and her husband have kids, so please quit being so selfish and think about how much it’s going to hurt your kids if you let this keep going. Chances are your husband and your friend have noticed this flirting and it’s so awkward they don’t know what to say. It sounds like you’ve been flirting back. Maybe it’s nice to get the attention and the stroke to your ego, but you need to realize the consequences of your actions.
Next time this guy starts flirting with you, tell him you’re married and he’s married to your best friend and you’re not comfortable with what’s he’s doing. If he calls or texts, don’t answer or respond. He’s a married man, and he’s got a wife to confide in. Maybe if he talked to her with the closeness you two share she wouldn’t be so annoying. She’s probably being passive aggressive over what the two of you are doing.
If your husband was this close with another woman (especially someone who was supposed to be your friend), how would that make you feel? It’s called an emotional affiair. Remember this: families and marriages aren’t destroyed in a day. It’s a slow series of little steps into an affair. It’s not too late. If you love your husband and your children and your friend, you still have the choice to stop it but you have to stop it now. Be the wife and mother your family needs you to be. Be a mature adult.
Yeah, it’s going to be awkward. Why don’t you find another person to help out with your kids and avoid these people until you and your marriage are strong enough to resist whatever temptation it is you’re feeling. (You’re feeling it or you wouldn’t be asking him how you look or going into his bedroom.)
I suggest finding a good church for your family. They may have a counselling program for you and your family, and you could make some new friends that would bring value to your life. And for future reference, no more stripping in front of anyone you’re not married to. Seriously, that is so trashy. Have more respect for yourself and your marriage.
If you are comfortable with all this, you are being completely selfish and immature. You made a commitment to your husband, and by having your children you made a commitment to put them before yourself. It doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. If you let this keep going, you’re going to lose everything that’s important to you.