Question by Lacouture: What kind of guy says this to his pregnant wife???
the way my husband speaks to me is just wrong…I’m 8.5 months pregnant and last night I asked him to clean up his laundry before he left for his trip…well, that turned into him telling me how “worthless” I am. Going on saying “my family doens’t even like me” nor do “I have no friends, and the ones that I have don’t like me.” That “no one would ever want to be w/ me…and he doesn’t know how he puts up w/ me!” I just wonder who would say that to the woman carrying his child!!? I want to leave him but thank God he is gone till Monday…I just wish I had a normal life and husband…unfortunately I married young and now wish I could start all over. Please give me some insight!?
THANKS ALL!
Best answer:
Answer by Bunny
sounds to me like the start of an abusive relationship. He’s mentally abusing you and you need to think of your child as well as urself and get the hell out of there. Yea you’ll hurt for awhile but you’ll be happy being out of there
What do you think? Answer below!
You picked him.
Get out now for the sake of your child and you. Do you want your baby growing up with that pig for a father?
If YOU married young, may I presume your husband is young too? If this is the case, then THAT is your answer. Your husband is an immature, selfish, self-absorbed, arrogant jackass and deserves NOTHING from you.
If things have been this way for some time, I urge you to use your free time to locate an attorney and get yourself OUT of that marriage. If he’s this verbally and emotionally/psychologically abusive now, it will only get worse when you have a baby to tend to (he won’t want to share you with the child — regardless of whether or not its his.).
a guy that says that to his pregnant wife is the kind of guy that will be paying CHILD SUPPORT!
Pack you bags (by Monday) and stay with family or friends. See if he gets the message you won’t put up with this abuse. What a JERK!
Sounds like you need to start all over…he is terrible to you.
I’m sorry you feel so sad, especially around the holidays when we are supposed to be feeling thankful. you have an innocent child on the way and remember that everyone deserves to be brought up in a warm and loving home. if you feel like you or your child could be in danger, go somewhere you can feel safe. never live your life in regret, too many people do. always follow and trust your heart-not enough people do that. i’m a believer in fate and that things happen for a reason. while we may not realize it now…we usually do later…
Sounds as though he is either nervous about being a father and going about it the wrong way, or just doesn’t want a child. Please try and find out which it is. If it is the latter, you might want to separate for a little while. Have the baby in the meantime. Maybe the absence will make his heart grow fonder.
If it is the first, you two should sit down and talk about this situation. There are things he and you can do to learn how to be parents. There are classes and such. Bring in a third person if needed.
Good luck and have a great night.
I wonder if he is seeing someone else. Some men get crazy like that when they are seeing someone on the side,
Point is, he is an abusive jerk. Talk to a trusted family member or friend and think about how you can leave and live life without him.
You deserve more.
You should seek counseling. Listen dear, I was pregnant when the same exact thing happened and he ended up beating the crap outta me. So leave while you can. I should say, give him an ultimatim: marriage counseling or divorce. If he chooses divorce, then there are plenty of other fish out there in the sea, I got married just two years later and I am fat and kinda ugly. If I can do it sure as heck you can too!
Hon, now is the time to act!
Either pack up his stuff, put it out front, and change the locks, or pack up YOUR stuff and RUN.
There is no way you need abusive talk like that, and trust me–pretty soon he’s gonna start hitting you.
Get out NOW, before he hurts your child–that has to be your first priority now.
When he says he was stressed and didn’t MEAN it, do NOT believe him–they ALL say it. Start divorce proceedings ASAP.
Good luck–and consider yourself lucky you got out BEFORE the beatings started.
He sounds like an arrogant selfish pig that doesn’t deserve you and is entirely too disrespectful.
Karma’s a b****, and he’ll pay.
But, in the meantime, maybe you should stay with some family or a close friend.. because with you being 8.5 months pregnant, you have to be careful and don’t want to stress too much.
Right now, it’s best to get away and after you have a healthy baby then take action.. I don’t think he’s a good husband.
He is an emotional and verbal abuser, you need to make your plans to leave his sorry ass, before you end up like me. I’m divorcing now, but I was with mine for 14 years and now I’m 35, with 2 young kids and starting all over again. He hurt me so much and everything you stated, he has said to me and even more. It will get worse, he will do this in front of your children and they will become nervous wrecks, you will be miserable and he will NEVER change!!!!!!! Everyone told me that and I didn’t listen. my biggest regret in life. He has no respect for you at all and remember HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!!!! keep that in your head! Make your plans now. It usually turns into physical violence too as the years go on, I’ve been strangled 4 times!! Been to counseling 5 times!!!! Nothing works for them, please just listen and make your move. You can email me or chat with me on IM. I hope I helped baby girl.
Bunny’s 100% right. You CAN start over. Think of your child. Financial hardship wouldn’t be half as bad as an abusive parent. This won’t get any better….and you don’t want it to get worse! The guy needs help.
I would say that to a my wife if she was carrying someone else’s child.
Do you depend on him alot or you are the independence type? If you are so independence before and your pregnancy cause you to be so dependence on him, you might have drive him on his nerves. Give the guy a break. If you always depend on him, he might have find you being a spoilt brag. Try to be a bit independence. You will need it when the child is born. Whichever the way, good luck n congrats to join motherhood.
Sometimes when people are frustrated, upset, angry, they lash out by being rude and condescending…..if he does this on a regular basis, I would be very concerned about the welfare of your child…..because your child will certainly cause stress and frustration (children take lots of patience)…..for the protection of your child I would consider your options….perhaps moving back in with Mom and Dad would be a better option right now?
He has some issues
My ex husband used to say appalling things to me too, but he was a cocaine user. I partly blame that.
I have no idea how someone could be so hurtful to the woman they have married and who is carrying their baby. Hang on in there girl, get that baby delivered safe, gather your strength back & leave him.
Is that how he is going to speak to you infront of the child? What will your child learn from that sort of behaviour?
LEAVE him soon. Then he’ll know the meaning of worthless. He’ll be looking at it, in the mirror.
Good luck with the baby & your future X
Well…my wife’s ex-boy friend…would treat her that way..telling her no one would ever want her…she was ugly…and she was dumb…he is the only one to want her… and he was mean to her to…It took me along to make her feel pretty…and wanted…
you need to walk away from this creep..Do not listen to him….he will just get worse if you stay with him…plus you do not want the baby growing up around a man like this…
My heart goes out to you, I’m so sorry that you’re having to hear all these negative things. I believe he’s saying these hurtful things to you because that’s his way of controlling you. He probably thinks that by saying these things to you, you will think how lucky you are that HE wants you when no one else does. Don’t believe it for a second!!! You are not worthless! What you asked him to do is perfectly normal, not only because you’re 8.5 months pregnant, but because he’s a grown man and should pick up after himself.
I understand what you’re saying about being young when you married, and how you wish that you could start all over. Unfortunately, we can’t do that. You have to think about the life within you that’s getting ready to come into this awful situation. Do you really want this kind of life for your child? If your husband is treating you so badly, think of what it’s going to be like for your child.
There are many options you have. If you have a family member that you and your child could stay with, I would go stay with them for a while. If you don’t have anyone in your family to turn to, then seek help from a pastor. If you don’t presently belong to a church, ask some of your friends who go if it would be okay for you to meet with their pastor. Make an appointment with the pastor and explain to him what’s been happening. You really need solid counselling from someone you can trust. He may even be able to point you to community services which could help you and your child with housing and financial support.
Please, please don’t allow your husband to continue “beating up on you” verbally and psychologically! You deserve better!
God bless you!!!
Get out NOW.he is a creep and you need to get away while he is gone.there are places that you can go that will help you and keep you safe.you need to do this for you and your baby.This man gets his kicks by putting you down and you can do better for yourself.There is someone out there for you that will treat you and your child like a wife and mother.please leave now please for you and your baby’s safety.Good Luck to you.
Don’t spend another minute with that bum! He’s going to play games with your psyche until you have no self esteem left. Then he’ll leave you high and dry. The guy is a caveman. Switch to GEICO!! Feel me?
I tell the truth. You & the baby are worth so much more than
words can say, and I would tell you to get out of that
house–before this starts to turn physically abusive.
You do not need to take this kind of (verbal) mental abuse.
I’d be out of there before he came home on Monday!!!
I’ll be praying for you & babies safety.
God Bless You.
things will only get worse, it starts with the mental abuse and before you know it is physical. leave now before that baby pays the price, totaly not worth it
Leave this ass. No other insight needed.
Best Wishes for a bright future for you and your child.
Well, I’m going to be the only person here who is going to say “stay”.
But only with the right heart attitude!
He is already feeling the pressures of becoming a father, knowing there is a great deal of financial needs with a baby coming and that he has to work the entire weekend away from you.
If this is something you can say is the worst fight of your entire marriage so far–well, then when he gets back tell him that you never want to be talked to like that again and that you will not tolerate this. But, that you may not have realized how much stress he has been under from work or from knowing you will be parents soon.
Having a big blow up like this IS a forgiveable offense. But, you have to go into repairing things in a loving and kind way and still be able to stand your ground letting him know this is completely unacceptable behavior.
Do you have a father or father-in-law who could talk to him about what all these responsibilities mean and how to treat their wife with love?
He may not even see what he did as harming you. He may have thought he was just “blowing off steam” especially if he was raised in a family who acted like this.
You need to let him know that this is not something you ever want to face again and that you are only willing to stay if he is willing to face his anger–and he lashed out at you when you needed him the most.
I don’t think people are disposable–you can’t just “kick him to the curb” knowing you made a baby with this man. You need to take some time to consider all options. Whether they be legal, financial or emotional.
If you are trying to convince us that nine months ago everything was fine and now he’s just the biggest jerk in the world–I wouldn’t believe it. People are who they are. You have known his character long enough to know whether or not this is a stress induced fit or whether or not he grew up with violence and/or mental and verbal abuse himself.
You need to slow down and take all of your options into consideration. One of the most stressful times in life is having a baby. These are the kinds of hard times that can make you much stronger as a couple if you can actually work through them together.
You also have to face him with his behavior and find out if he would be willing to work on this–that he exhibit self-control– and will never talk to you this way again.
Many times when someone talks this way they are “projecting”–that means that what he said to you is exactly how he is feeling about himself.
He is feeling like HE is worthless and noone likes him and not even his friends like him and HE can’t even figure out why you’re putting up with him! This is very common in someone that is fearful and is not used to dealing with strong emotions or is feeling out of control.
This is not excuse making–for him–but you need to come at this with some deeper understanding of his motives. Take some time to think through what I have written–every other person here has simply said, “Leave”. But how many say–your baby needs a mother and a father with a healthy marriage who can work through the difficult issues so they are a strong and loving couple who can raise a healthy and happy child?
I will pray that God help you to make the best decision according to His perfect will for your life. Take it to the foot of the cross if you are a believer and if you aren’t–you can always call upon God and ask him to save you and help you and your husband.
God is love and the very best thing that could happen here is that your husband repents, changes his behavior permanently and steps up to the plate of being a husband and father with honor.
When a man has a woman who is willing to help him through these kinds of issues–he is forever grateful that you stuck in there through thick and thin.
Of course, you always have the option everyone else is pushing for.
let me say now…he is not a man….anyone that would talk to his pregnant wife like that is no man at all…….in fact to any woman….isay the most beautifull sight in this sad world..is a pregnant woman…the giver of life….you should be treated like the princess you are….find a man that loves you….ime bloody certain he dosent….may your god watch over you and keep you safe……..seamanab x
It doesn’t matter if you are pregnant or not. He shouldn’t talk to you like that regardless. Why did you get pregnant if you are in a marriage you regret?? And hey, if you want to start over then do it.
Either find a way to make it work or leave. If he really is that emotionally abusive then you are not obligated to stay. No one should put up with that, and now you are dragging an innocent child into the picture. For your child, leave.
lb
He sounds just like and I mean just like my ex-husband. My ex-husband said these exact word’s to me. Don’t think he will out grow it. As long as he gets away with saying these things he will keep it up. This is emotional abuse. He is controlling you this way. Sometimes it is a first step before physical abuse sometimes not. Either way mental abuse is very hurtful! Get some counseling as soon as the baby is born. If he will go with you fine, but don’t count on it. I stayed for 10 years, then left. I went back to school and I became a Counselor for abused women then later a Christian Counselor for hurting & abused women.I never looked back! I let him see his son’s even tho he never paid a penny of child support, but I flew high and proud! I still am! No man will ever wear down my self worth ever again!
The only insight is that he is scum. He does not deserve you.
Hi,
This is very definitely ABUSE..
Let me ask you , would you take that kind of junk from Your Mom, or Dad, or Sister, or Brother, or Cousin, Or the neighbor ??? Then WHY would you take it from him?
You need to pack and get out, now. He is going to start hitting soon. Do you want your child to grow up in that kind of environment?
You are the mom, Be a Mom. You should be think of your child. >> If he says that kind of stuff to you NOW, how does your defenseless child stand a chance. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER…
You must run from this situation.. He will hurt you and your kids.. The stress he is dumping on you is affecting your baby now and it isn`t even born.. Please think of the baby.. It surely doens`t deserve to live like that..
Life is NOT suppose to be like that.> EVER!!
Peace & God bless from Texas <><
It sounds like he is overwhelmed with the whole wife, baby thing. How much truth is there to what he says. When someone tells us something we don’t like to hear it is important to sift out the stuff that was said in anger that has no value from the stuff that we may need to change. When a woman is pregnant the first time, their thoughts are usually turned quite inward with their new experience and it is easy to overlook the needs of their mate. You will have to keep things balanced and include him if you can in what you are feeling and going through. Often with the first baby there is one-sided conversation. Many men don’t know what in the world to do with a new baby until he or she gets older and can interact with them. Many men show their love by going to work. Women like to be loved and men like to be respected. You are together for a reason and there are things you both need to learn from each other. Any marriage takes give and take and are a lot of work. My prayer for you is that you and your husband can really connect and begin communicating (not yelling or controlling)with each other like adults. I pray for your little baby that will be stressed out within the womb if you guys fight and you are upset. Sing a little song for the baby from this ole Granny .
† Heaven Bound Prayer Warrior †
“Look up for your redemption draweth nigh”. Mmm
spousal abuse,l leave before you bring the baby into the picture.
Dear lalalaz,
Let me assure you that you are not worthless!
I wonder if your husband is projecting his own deficiencies upon you.
I haven’t had a chance to read all of the answers yet but I definitely agree with what Steinbeck11 shares.
While your husband is away I encourage you to take a look at The Father’s Love Letter which you can find at http://www.fathersloveletter.com Read it over and over and over during the next few days and as often as possible during the days leading up to your baby’s birth.
God bless you and your family,
JOYfilled
What kind of man says this? No “man” sinks so low.
My prayer is for you to find peace in this, that God works on your husband’s heart, softening it. I praise our God, for my first born son has softened my own heart beyond what I would ever imagined possible. Lord, heal this man’s heart, let him see the miracle You are bringing. Lord, please, give this young mother the strength she needs to make it through the days to come, and grant her the peace her heart cries out for.
Travelling Prayer Warrior
I’m almost in the same situation, I was just looking for some resources to show my SO in hopes that he would be more nicer to me I already have one child, and now that Im pregnant with #2 I wanted an abortion cause I know that’s best, but he told me if I had one he would kick me out (cause the first child isnt his) and he wants this one. But now Im past the stage of an abortion and hes mean to me, calling me lazy and a vegetable. telling me im ghetto cause i wear sweat pants in public. he lies a lot more and hes spending less and less time at home. not to mention he always threatens to take the baby away from me. I feel so trapped and helpless, Im not stable and I cant take care of them by myself so I stay. IN hopes that one day a better exit strategy will come my way. I desperately want to be single and able to stand on my own two feet. getting a nice place and a good job, I’m only 21 and I know I can do it I just need a little help and cant seem to find it. I hope my boyfriend will change his attitude my first babys dad is an asshole and this guy used to be so great I have no idea what happened
I just think he doesnt love me anymore..