Question by Wisefool: Wife abandoned me and our Disabled son, Kind of in shock not sure how to cope?
My wife walked out on our family last Saturday. I woke up with a note saying that she had gone to another city and would “check in” Sunday. No calls nothing since. We have a severely Autistic son and I am not sure how to cope with all the burden myself. He tells me “unlock” the front door and looks for her truck outside.
I filed a missing persons report with the police but I do not get the impression that the are actively looking. I was able to trace some emails and do a bit of detective work and got someone to call anonomously to say that she had left me for another man and they were going to another state.
I have had to take a leave of absence from work to try to get some daycare set up for my son. It is hard because untill he is 18 none of the disabled centers take them in this area. A relative will help a short while to pay for a professional adult care person to come in and watch him while I work for maybe a month.
I have no hope now…
Our son is 17 and will be 18 End November. I refuse to give him up to the state but don’t know what to do.
My wife was depressed and started using drugs(pot that I know of suspicious of others) against my wishes. I do not use drugs and never approve of them.
Though implication it looks like she ran off with one of the guys that was supplying drugs.
She has lied a great deal these past few months and could still be in the city and what I am being told is a smoke screen.
She started fooling around with women too after she started doing drugs so she could be in the gay/lesbian part of town. Or in town with a guy. I don’t know what she is doing but I do not think she is coming back and I am left with a mess.
I do not know where to turn for help
I work as an accounting clerk. I make only mediocre pay and was greatly struggling before she left(at least $ 250 a month went to her cigartettes and pot). I have no health insurance. I tried to get on the CHIP insurance program but I made $ 1,500 too much a year. I fear socail services involvelment because I do not want him taken away.
Best answer:
Answer by brokenglassman13
this situation makes me hate my gender. slap me if i ever do anything like that. i feel like crying
Give your answer to this question below!
Go and get counseling for the both of you, and do it soon. If you can’t afford it, there are community health centers and community groups that offer free services. Your son can also get it through medicaid if he is disabled and at his school for free, if he’s in public school. Good luck
There’s ALWAYS hope. First let me say you are better off without that totally selfish woman. It may not feel like it now, but imagine what type of mother does that???She needs help also. Now, Call “Social Services” and tell them your dillema, keep asking questions until you get appropriate answers. Someone out there can help. God Bless You and what a wonderful dad your son has.
I am so sorry this is happening to you and your poor child!! I don’t understand why there are such evil selfish people in the world…the only thing I can say is that I will pray for you…hire an attorney and try to track her down and nail her to the wall
contact your church and contact department of social services for starters and then check into developmentally disabled homes many will help.
You need to fill out custody paperwork and file for support before she does. Get a lawyer asap.
I’m very sorry you are going through this and hopefully she will realize her mistake. She had to be in a pretty rough spot emotionally to just leave her own disabled child, let alone her husband without even a hint that something was wrong.
Perhaps there are parents of special needs children support groups that you can join. Check yahoo groups for more info.
I wish all the best for you and your son.
Very tough one. You need to be the strongest you can be now, for your son. I am not a real religous person but this happened for a reason and you can handle anything god throws your way. My wife kind of did the same thing to me.
well, the police aren’t looking for her because she technically isn’t “missing” she left you a note telling you she was out of there…she ran away – and the police don’t look for adult runaways…
worry about her last – focus on what your son needs. Contact the National Autism Society
http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/
they can probably help you find emergency resources & permanent solutions.
EDITED TO ADD:
another useful link…
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer
please feel free to reach me through e-mail here…I’ll help you in any way I can…
Sounds like you are doing what you need to be doing. Moving on with your life and making preparations to cope. My ex did the same thing to me. I went to visit my sister, came home and he was gone. Not even a note. I did manage to track him down a few days later, but he wasn’t coming home.
You’re going to go thru the typical grieving stages. Denial, Anger, Grief, and eventually acceptance. The best thing you can do right now is what you’re doing. Setting up your life without her.
You are NOT without hope. Although it may seem hopeless right now, at some point your life will become yours again. I learned one thing in my experience. The only thing in life you can control is yourself and your actions. How you react to this can affect the rest of your life. You’re going to hurt, you’re going to be angry, but eventually you’re going to be all right. There is always hope…you just have to have faith.
I too think counseling is best. I’m sure there are people who specialize in autistic children. Try calling your insurance carrier and see if they can give you the name of someone that is contracted with them. I am SO sorry this is happening. Lean on friends and family. She sounds like she needs a lot of help and is probably better she is gone.
Things are out of control. It’s in Gods hands now. PRAY. He’ll make a way.
Hard! but not impossible to deal. Must be strong. Have to hold to your job. The only way of paying for someone to take care of yr son. There must be places or school for yr son. You don t mention his age. Think if your wife could do the job why couldn´t you do the same she did. Too many women work and take care of their children autistic or not. You have to keep on looking for disabled centers even if you have to change to other place. You both are a family for now. Tomorrow who knows surprises and the help of God sure comes some way. The only thing is not to lose hope. Keep hope. God never sends us more than we can endure.
I’m sorry to hear that. I have looked every where on the internet for daycare for children. I found 2 but they are in Europe. That is such a shame that they don’t have anything here.
First, let me start by saying that your situation saddens me. I’m glad your son has a caring father like you in his life. I hope you one day find a better and more nicer person to share your life with and your son’s life with.
If she doesn’t want to be found, and she’s a druggie, she will stay in hiding, high on drugs and more. Please don’t ruin your life pursuing her…
The two of you deserve better than her. Take care of him, and know that others feel for you. Good luck… Take care of yourself tough, b/c you’re not of any good to him if you’re not healthy. Take care!
First it sounds like you are much better without this woman
you called a wife and mother. I know everyone has problems but turning to drugs and leaving a child isn’t the
way to deal with them. I’d let her live her life and stop looking
for her. There are plenty of agencies that will help you out.
As for your job, do you make good money there?? Could you
do something from your home to make money while you take
care of your son? Alot of people know of different ways to
make income at home on your computer(E-bay etc…) If your
family is willing to help for a while that should get you by until
you get help from social services, local churchs, other agencies. You could also look up your sons disability on line
and get different recommendations that way too. Man, it takes a heck of a man to stick around with a child like this My
hats off to you… God will reward you for being such a caring
loving and wonderful person…Keep you head up your son needs you to be strong and show him the support he needs
to get thru this difficult time. Your a great man and a wonderful
dad….wish they all were like you.